Talk Back
by blacksta1n
Summary: our favourite dgm trio, layual, are the host of a talk back radio station. but it takes only one outta-whack phone call to turn this station into more than just entertainment. eventual yullen. humorous i hope
1. thursday

**Capitolo uno**

"Good afternoon, or evening whichever you prefer, ladies and gentlemen. This is the talk back hour on 907fm with Yu-"

"I'll kill you I swe-"

"Allen and of course your favourite," a dramatic pause, "Lavi. It's currently 5:02 in the afternoon and you have the three of us lovely gentlemen to talk you your way home. Except. For the moment there's only two of us. Allen has mysteriously not shown up for work."

"Che. He's probably choked on a f-beeeeep- dango or some sh-beep."

"Kanda please censor yourself."

There is the sound of a slamming door in the distance and hurried footsteps approach the microphone. The current speakers stop talking and a distant voice is heard.

"I'm so sorry! Are you guys on air?" he hurriedly sat down, putting his head phones on and glancing down at the day's script, which of course they never followed.

"good evening Al buddy what's been happening?"

"nice of you to join us beansprout."

"it's Allen. There was a crash just of the hwy, so a warning to all drivers heading down the great southern, turn off as soon as possible if you do not want to redirected on the _longest_ detour of your entire life."

"Crash! How bad was it?"

"No deaths-"

"Che."

"Damn you Kanda- but I think there were at least two people severely injured, head on collision I think."

"Nasty business. Well moving on to today's topic the question of today is on contemporary cultures. If that even makes sense."

"The question is; "what is the most prominent music culture of today?""

"Thankyou Kanda, it's actually going under a multiple choice, Allen?"

"Oh right so we've got A, heavy metal/screamo, B return of the 80's, or C pop/r'n'b/rap music."

"Aka the crap you hear on every radio station that is heavily over played."

"Wow Kanda holding back on the cusses I see."

"Actually, sorry to ruin it for you Allen, but he said 2 before you arrived."

"Oh. I wondered why I sneezed. So you've got those three choices really, so pick one, call us on-"

"1300 558 967."

"And give us a reason."

"Meanwhile, Yu give us your opinion."

"My opinion, damn rabbit, is that I'm gonna shove your fat head of red up your f-beeeeeep arse if you say my name one more f-beeeeeep time!"

"My, that was colourful, but what Lavi meant was your opinion on music culture."

"Shut up bean, your next."

"To give my opinion? I'd be delighted. I'd say the it's the return of the 80's."

"Course you would, just for a little extra info for the audience, despite our dear wee Allen being the youngest-"

"And shortest."

"I hate you Kanda-"

"-youngest and shortest," Lavi chuckled slightly at the now fuming Allen, "member he has a deep love for classical music, and of course the oldies."

"The 80's aren't old!"

"Che. Sure sure."

"Shut it. If you let me finish I was going to say that I think the 80's are uprising because despite the fact that the youth of today are stealing their parents favourite albums, it's obvious that all the new music, which is actually taking a techno turn, has been manipulating music from the 80's to their own songs."

"That's a mouthful. But it's true really. Music is becoming less different every thing's been done already so it's time to manipulate the past, in a sense. Take, for example, Rhianna's new song-"

"Who the f-beep is Rhianna?"

"Kanda do you even listen to the radio?"

"Oh shut up bean."

"Guys, guys, Rhianna's new song and it uses some singing from a Michael Jackson song."

"Pfft. Lavi that's Rhianna's _old_ new song. Her new song has got singing from a Dragostea Din Tei song."

"Wasn't that song a copy of another?"

"Hmmm no I don't think so."

"No body care's for your opinions! Just answer the f-beeeeep phone rabbit!"

"Wow! What a response alright and the first caller for this evening your name please?"

"...." some heavy breathing could be heard on the other end.

"Hello? Is there anyone on this phone line?"

"Oh I'm sorry a-are you talking to m-me?"

"The phone line only has two f-beeeeeeeeep receivers yours and ours."

"Oh I'm sorry I'm so sorrrrrrrry, I'm just feeling quite flustered I've never done this before! I hope I'm not imposing!"

"Deep breaths miss it's alright."

"Don't worry you're not imposing, this is a talk back radio station, calling and talking to us is what you're supposed to do."

"Exactly what the beansprout said miss. So just give us your name, and tell us what you think."

"Oh, alright," they could hear a bit of sniffling before she continued, "well my, my name is Miranda and I, I agree with master Allen-"

There was a snort from Kanda and Allen mouthed the words; 'shut up prick!'

"-and the return of the 80's. I am also an 80's fan and I own a record store. I find I have many youths coming in and buying records I didn't even know the world still had record players."

"Mm I have a gramophone at home."

"Allen the collector of junk."

"Useless junk."

"One man's junk is another man's treasure, right Miranda?"

The woman on the other end suddenly burst out right into tears.

"Sprout you made her cry."

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! Miss Miranda! Please don't cry I didn't mean to upset you."

"Allen! Did you like send demon waves down the telephone line or something?"

"No no! I'm sorry Allen it wasn't you. Just your words touched me, see because I've had so many jobs in my past, I was treated like junk, and one day a man was going to throw out this old clock that he found because it didn't work, but I fixed it. And it was my treasure, and now I have a job."

"Well snaps for you lady."

"Kanda you are such an arse sometimes."

Lavi spoke loudly in order to be heard over the bickering duo; "well thankyou so much for your opinion on that Miss Miranda and good luck with your store! Please call again some time, I'd love to hear your voice again!"

Allen and Kanda just stared open mouthed at the flirtatious rabbit.

"Oh y-yes thankyou so much. Good, goodbye now."

"Bye bye miss Miranda!"

"And next on the line we have?"

There was a sudden blast of heavy hardcore music coming through the speaker phone.

"We already know what they're going to f-beeeeeep say. Just hang up rabbit."

"Christ Kanda can you ditch the curses already, my reaction times have at least doubled wit-"

"Helllloooooooooo?" a loud voice screamed through the speakers making Allen and Kanda wince.

"Hey howdy hey! What's happening my loud friend? Would you mind finding a quiet place or turning the radio down momentarily please?"

"Oh right, right hold on. OY REEVER!" his voice becoming even louder, making even the almighty Lavi wince, "turn it down a bit we're on the radio. Tapp, Tapp! Come over here. Sorry, is this that crazy trio on 907fm?"

"That would be us."

"Wicked! My name's Johnny I'm from the local universities science department, and we've got Reever and Tapp and a whole bunch of other guys rockin' out for the start of the holidays man!"

"Well he does sound like he's a tad bit too much to drink,"

"You don't know how british you just sounded right now."

"That would be because I am."

"Apparently, Johnny,"

"Yo! Lavi is it? Hey."

"He matched my name to my voice!" Lavi squealed excitedly.

"That's because you talk so f-beeeeep much!"

"Kanda if I have to censor you one more time-"

"Beansprout shush! As I was saying, apparently the science students throw the biggest parties yay or nay?"

"Heck yes we do! ain't that right Tapp!? Hey! Where'd Reever go? Though the medical students reckon their parties are better."

"Can we just answer the f-beeeeep question?"

"That's it Kanda I'm sick of this! Lavi we're switching seats you can do his censors now."

"Al. hate to break it to you but all of the seats have a censoring button."

"What?! Then why am I the only one who ever does it?"

"Cause you're so reliable!" Lavi looked like he was going to pinch Allen's cheeks.

"'cause you're the only one who gives a damn."

"could you two please stop bickering like an old married couple for at least 2 seconds so Johnny can answer the question?!"

"Oh right yeah the question! Something about music and culture was it? Yeah yeah well the metal definitely pulls out on tops cause like even if it isn't played publicly on the radio, you can hear it on the bus when you're surrounded by teenagers with plugs in their ears. You know what I mean."

"Yeah not to mention all the rock concerts." A distinct Australian accent came in through the phone, "There are a lot, a lot more rock concerts than anything else."

"Good point man. And can I just say where did you get that wacky accent? That is just ace! No offence Al buddy, but that tops yours!"

"Thanks, I'm originally from Australia."

"That is just outlandish man freaking sweet."

"You don't sound drunk."

"Of course I'm not, it's barely half past five, these guys are just idiots."

"Right well thanks for your call Reever the Aussie, Johnny the loud and Tapp-"

"Hey Reever, Reever I think Tapps passed out!"

"Shit. Thanks guys talk to ya later."

And the phone line cut out.

"'tis a bit early to be drinking really isn't it."

"How come you didn't censor him out Beansprout?"

"Because he's not as predictable as you are idiot."

"And it's already 5:30, such a dying shame to leave a room with only these two queers for company-"

"Say that again rabbit, I fucking dare you."

"Allen! You didn't censor him!"

"Well I figured I'd let him let his anger flow so that I could kill you myself."

"Tut tut so violent! But guys we can go now because as I was saying, despite this being called a 'talk back hour' it only lasts a half hour, it's a commercial lie, but the station figures you people would prefer to listen to music rather than us talk about music. But can you imagine it being called a talk back half hour? That would just be annoying."

"Beansprout please shut the rabbit up."

"since you asked nicely," Allen looked shocked momentarily at the use of the word 'please' before he spoke over the top of his red headed friend, "well you heard the Lavi, ladies and gentlemen thankyou for putting up with the constant mayhem and swearing, we hope you'll listen again the same time tomorrow-"

"Maybe the beansprout will be on time."

"And have a good night!" Lavi finished off.

* * *

The white haired male was pushing the almost full trolley through the grocery store looking around, picking up a random box of biscuits but then, deciding against them, put them back down. His hair was almost shoulder length, but very messily cut in a way that could be called stylish. Short for his age, and hunched over the heavy trolley, from behind he very much could look like an old man. However once the sight of his profile was caught, he looked in his late teens. Both assumptions would be wrong of course. He was in fact twenty years old.

A can soup came flying towards his head and barely glancing up he caught it in his mutilated left hand. Said hand was a cracked burgundy, some often described it as dried blood, where as he preferred to describe it as a desert with wine as the sand.

"Dammit Kanda you idiot! Give me a warning before you hurl a can at my face!" he yelled at some one down the isle.

A tall Asian looking man with long ebony hair, standing a good head taller than the British boy, stepped out from with in the isle smirking down at his friend.

"You should pay more attention to your surroundings instead of a fucking biscuit packet."

Allen growled at his friend. Kanda, Yu, whom detested is first name for reasons obvious to him and others who spoke Japanese, handsome, tall, and having a decent enough amount of intellect to satisfy, was incredibly violent. He often made threats on one's life, and was the only person with the amazing ability of sending Allen right over the edge, Lavi coming close in second.

Speak of the devil. Lavi, another young man, aged the same as Kanda, at 23, with a devilish smile that matched his cunning ideas and pranks, walked towards the two from the bread section. He had flaming hair which he kept looking like fire with the use of a lot of hairspray, and a mixture of never washing his hair, and of course his favourite green headband, and strangely unnecessary eye patch.

Kanda dumped two more cans of soup into the trolley and Lavi dropped in a loaf of bread.

"Alright I'll just go get some milk and then I'll meet you in the frozen food section alright?" Lavi asked smiling. Not that he really was asking, he was merely informing- Allen had been given the duty of 'trolley pusher' for this shopping trip, and Kanda, well Kanda was Kanda, and Lavi liked his milk in the bottle when he bought it.

Over in the frozen food section Kanda ordered a kilo of prawns, and then a little less squid.

"A kilo!?" Allen screamed at him as he dumped it atop the heap that the beansprout was pushing, "do you not know how quickly prawns go off?!"

"Yeah but we all know that you eat like a pig beansprout so the quantity sure as fuck won't be a problem."

"Fuck you and besides we were going to have steak tonight."

"Che. Ever heard of a freezer?"

"Yeah but we have to get it home without it defrosting first. It'll stink up my car!"

"Then let me drive."

"Uh-uh I don't think so! Not how you drive and not my baby!" Allen turned away slightly as though Kanda was going to wrench the keys from his pocket suddenly, when he caught some movement from the corner of his eye. He couldn't help but notice Kanda was glaring at the two giggling and pointing girls.

The white haired boy himself turned to look at them and they took it as an invitation to introduce themselves, in a none introductory way.

"Hi," some more giggles, making Kanda twitch, "we saw you and you guys are like-"

"Way hot!" her friend broke out before they started to giggle a little more.

Kanda looked like he was just about to start strangling them, but Allen quickly patted him on the bicep, "calm Kanda calm."

"But like," some more giggles, "are you guys like a couple? Like are you gay?"

The Japanese man of pure anger and intent to kill swatted away the pale hand that was patting his shoulder, as the owner of said hand stood there stunned for a while.

"w-what an odd thing to-"

"Fuck off! You little brats." He couldn't get any more out of his mouth as their giggling faces turned to those of fear and they ran off with tears in their eyes.

"Kanda that wasn't very nice."

"Don't even talk to me fucking Beansprout or I seriously will kill you."

"Hey guys sorry about that! You should see the milk selection these days sheesh! Say do you feel like trying soy mi- GAK!" he was cut off as Kanda began to strangle him.

"How fucking long can it fucking take to get one fucking carton of fucking milk?!" he hissed into his steadily bluing face.

Allen stepped forward taking said carton from the dying man's hands.

"Alright Kanda I think that's enough now," he said as he placed them on top of the pile of groceries. "we gotta get this to the counter before the trolley breaks."

Out of breath and leaning forward with his hands on knees Lavi panted; "but what did I do? I didn't take long."

"You took long enough to make us look like fucking queers."

"But you guys always look like queers," Lavi dead panned as he straightened up, "whether or not I'm here you guys always look like a couple. I get asked all the time if you are."

Kanda was absolutely fuming and Allen rubbed his face, "please tell me you say we're not, for your own safety and life, please tell me you say no."

"Well you know..."

"That's it. I'm gonna kick your arse rabbit and you'll fly so high the suns gonna fucking roast you!" and the chase began. Allen shook his head in dismay and continued on towards the check out, grabbing two packets of steak cutlets and three packets of mince meat.

Down at the check outs he was waiting in line, he still hadn't seen the other two but could hear some screaming in the near distance. Then looking to his left he spotted some giant lollypops. He licked his lips greedily and lunged forward for one.

Unfortunately his timing was shots and as he lunged a large man stepped forward and Allen collided straight into his robust stomach, and rebounded, narrowly missing his head, to the floor.

"I'm so sorry sir, I was rushing ahead and I didn't see you!"

"oh that's no problem I'm sure 3" and he leaned over Allen with a painful looking creepy smile plastered on his face. Allen was slightly taken aback but didn't want to seem rude so he took the offered gloved hand, and found himself easily hauled up onto his feet.

The man was odd to say the least, and this was Allen thinking, wearing a big creamy white coat over stripy pants and a top hat atop his head. He also had glasses, through which he was giving Allen the once over.

"That's a strange arm you got there 3"

Allen glanced down at his left arm, "ah yeah." He wasn't quite sure what to say to that.

"I assume you were aiming for this? 3" the strange man asked as he took down one of the giant lollypops and handed it to Allen.

"Oooh! Earl! Is that for me?" a girlish squeal and giggle came from behind a large man, before a young face popped up from behind his shoulder. Laying on the strange mans large shoulder, the young girl, must have been no older than 16 in Allen's opinion, cocked her head to the side staring at the white haired boy holding the lollypop, "naw you gave it to him. can't I have one too?"

"Of course you can Road! Anything for my favourite 3"

"You're the best Earl! Just don't let Tyki hear you say that." She giggled before a manly voice spoke up behind them.

"Hear you say what?"

Allen couldn't see the man but he saw some smoke rising behind them. He was starting to feel a little awkward and realised he should probably get back to his trolley, but he just wanted to say thankyou to the creepy man.

"Ahh excuse me sir. I just wanted to say sorry again and thankyou. Umm goodbye."

But before he could turn and leave a curious head of curly hair poked around the corner of whom Allen assumed to be 'Earl' the man was quite attractive, with deep tanned skin and chocolate brown curly hair, and like the little girl with spiky blue hair, he had golden eyes. The cigarette looked just about ready to fall from his mouth as he stared at the white haired boy in front of the three of them. And the girl, Road, was looking shocked quite suddenly with her mouth hanging open.

"Say something else." The man spoke suddenly, saving the limp cigarette from it's fall.

"What?" Allen asked, feeling a little nervous.

"No no," Road perked up shaking her hand at him, "say something like 'good even and welcome!"

"Erm, good evening and welcome...?"

"The man and young girl looked at each other before smiling at him. Road jumped off Earl's shoulders and grabbed both of Allen's hand and Tyki stepped forward.

"Wow it _is_ you! You're Allen Walker right? Right?"

"Ah yeah."

"Don't be put off, we're just heavy fans. We listen to your talk back every afternoon."

"Except weekends of course!" Road cut in winking, "cause you guys don't do weekends."

Meanwhile the Earl reached across and grabbed a couple of giant lollypops and walked back to their trolley.

"Oh um.. Wow. That's great! Thanks." Allen smiled somewhat sheepishly, pleased that their station had people who actually liked to listen to their talk. "I really hate to be rude but I should get back to the trolley now, but thankyou."

"Not a problem."

"We'll see you round Allen!" Road waved him off, as Tyki gave him a wink.

When he was barely insight and out of hearing range Road turned to her curly haired cousin; "he was cute!" she squealed."

Tyki ran a hand through his hair, "tell me about it."

**A/N I was meant to be working on my other fics but this idea came to me and it's rather fun to write. So I typed it up, it's a little different and im not sure how hard it'll be to understand at the start. I tried to make it a at least a little obvious who was speaking and when ****but if it doesn't work and you're getting confused let me know and I'll fix it up next chap****. There's plenty more to come so if that didn't bore you too much I hope you stick around for the next chap.**

**Please review**

**p.s. this is the first time I have actually ever used the earl in my story. Sorry if he's ooc, I tried.**


	2. friday

**Capitolo due**

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Not that one would be able to tell these days since the sun takes forever to set. We're back, yes your favourite trio, Lavi, that's me! Allen and Y-Kanda. And just a neutral reminder that today is Friday and therefore you shan't be hearing our glorious voices for two days, so enjoy this half hour of 'talk back hour' while you can."

"You know what Lavi, I think I'm gonna start timing your introductions because I'm pretty sure they just keep getting longer."

"Hmm. Not sure about that Allen, my British friend, I think that was about the same length as yesterday's."

"Che. Does it matter? They're still annoying."

"Wow. Kanda refrained from swearing."

"Don't tempt me sprout."

"That's because you came on time today Al. oh yes, to our beloved audience, a friendly notice: Allen Walker arrived, at work, on time today."

"I usually do! Yesterday was a once off."

"Congratulations."

"Allen? May I ask what you and Kanda did last night? Because he seems rather mellow today?"

"What the f-beep are you trying to imply rabbit."

"Now you've done it Lavi. I hate you."

"Aheh. Should we get on with the question?"

"Please!"

"Alright. Kanda please stop looking at me like that. It's very disconcerting. Here's the question, no multiple choice, just a straight forward yay or nay. Does hair determine a person?"

There was a pause, and one could imagine a tumble weed of doom and gloom pass over the faces of Allen and Kanda.

"you know I think I've heard something similar to that," Allen tried to _not_ share his opinion on the matter, "in a book, we had to study it for school, but I can't remember the name of it. It was about a girl who had her face burnt off by acid, and she asked that question but of faces, rather than hair."

"'So Much To Tell You' by John Marsden."

"Yeah that's the one. You're good Lavi."

"It sound like a shit question."

"Dammit I missed it, but for once I agree with stupid."

"Say that again bean-"

"No no! I think it's a great question! Seriously guys think about it let's take Allen's hair for example-"

"Please don't."

"Shush! It's messy, shoulder length and a most obscure platinum white-"

"Like an old man."

"Shut up!"

"Would you two please! I'm trying to make a point! Allen's hair is messy because he rushes around a lot, doesn't have time to look neat. It's also white; stress related you claim, correct? But white is also a respectable colour and you'll find that Allen get's respected... sometimes. Anyway it's also outrageous; just like Allen when he's drunk, and you do get stressed rather easily."

"You also look like a geezer. And act like a geezer. Wow."

"And BaKanda's hair is always pulled tight and high because you are tight with a stick up your arse!"

"No no. guys listen. Kanda's hair is like a disguise. You could describe the long black ponytail as water right? Like a water fall. And waterfalls are supposedly peaceful, if you look at them. And you know Allen no matter what your faces are saying right now, that if you look at Yu-"

"I'll kill-"

"SHUSH! When he's just sitting and not moving or talking, he looks like a peaceful and approachable guy, where as waterfalls are in fact dangerous, and if you get too close they can kill you. I could go on but I think I see you two nodding in agreement so I'll stop."

They were actually staring at him with uncomprehending frowns, and mouths agape.

"Oh look, we've got a caller and we haven't even given the number which is: 1300 558 967. Hello? Who have we got here?"

"Hello. My name is Marie." A masculine voice came through making Kanda's face turn from incomprehension to horror, "and I have to disagree with you Lavi. I'm sorry but I'm bald, so what does that mean, that I'm plain or that 'what you see is what you get'? I just think it's a bit shallow to assume everybody's exteriors determine their personality."

"Yeah but that's because f-beeeeep blind!"

"Kanda that's so rude!"

"What? He's almost a relative."

"Whoa! Marie is that true? A relative of Yu?"

"Yes, we're brothers."

"Che. By fosterage."

"You never told us you had brothers BaKanda!"

"They're not real f-beeeep brothers."

"Allen may I just say you are doing an exquisite job at predicting my brother."

"Why thankyou very much Marie, he's really quite easy to read after a while."

"F-beep you."

"See?"

"I'll see you f-beeeeep impaled on a skewer and roasting on a barbeque!"

"ooo careful Al, Kanda wants to eat you."

"I feel dirty."

"Right well I'll leave you guys to it then."

"Yeah sorry thanks for your call marie! It's nice to get some of Yu's family, and history."

"No problem. Bye now."

"Alright. Next up we have..."

"You boys had better not be touching my Lenalee!!!"

"WAAA Komui?" Allen nearly fell off his chair and Lavi visibly paled.

"Idiot. Your sister's not even here."

"Yes but I know she's coming over tonight."

"She come's over every Friday though. You know that Komui."

"Lavi, I find your silence very suspicious." Dear god you could hear his glasses glinting.

"Oh well that's just because. Ahem, so what's your opinion on this hair matter Komui?"

"Well I think you are perfectly correct Lavi. If you take my precious Lenalee for example, her hair is so long and glorious. She takes good care of it and so it's very soft, just like her kind loving heart. Her hair is beautiful and so is my precious Lenalee!"

"Ok shut up you incestuous freak!"

"Kanda! This is a freaking talk back radio! People are supposed express their thoughts and opinions!"

"Yeah but this guys just going nuts over his sister, its sickening."

"The only sickening thing is your attitude."

"Ooo burn. One point Allen."

"*sigh* Kanda, you never used to be this aggressive."

"Well he isn't normally, but Allen kept him up all night, so he's just a little tired."

"W-w-what?"

"Rabbit, when that little red light goes off so does your f-beeeep head!"

"Ok thanks Komui talk to you later. Oh and by the way I think Bak's in town."

"_What?!_" no more goodbyes were said as they heard the dial tone.

"I can't believe you said that." Allen could be heard in a barely audible whisper, Kanda remained still and silent.

"Allen just relax, I don't think there is a shade paler than white."

"But it's not even true! You are an evil, evil man."

"Ah you love. Alright so after tonight we've got a 50, 50 on whether or not hair determines a person's character, I still think it does cause I mean, Allen and Yu both have longish, girly hair, and they're gay so you know."

"WE'RE NOT GAY!"

"Have a lovely night and see at the start of the next working week."

The moment the little red light that said 'on air' went off Kanda's still form sprung to life, and Allen silently left the room as one of his best friends was murdered.

* * *

"I still can't believe you said that on the radio! I mean god knows how many listeners we have!" Allen pouted at Lavi, his mouth half filled with a roll. Like every Friday the three radio hosts and their friend, Lenalee Lee, had gotten together for a barbeque, hence the large shopping experience yesterday.

They had done this ritual for over a year now, and it was always at the back of Allen's house, simply because Allen's _house_ wasn't a house, it was a flat, single story. And he, Lavi and Kanda, all lived in a compound of four flats, so they were neighbours, in a sense, and Allen happened to have the biggest yard, and hosted the barbeque.

"It's just for the entertainment Allen, I'm sure nobody who listens actually believes Lavi." Lenalee consoled, as she set down a big bowl of garden salad. Despite what her brother had previously been bragging about, her hair was not long but cut incredibly short, in a chopped, messy style.

"That's right Al. people love it." And despite the little red light going off earlier that evening; Lavi was still alive. The white haired radio host just rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder at the Japanese chef.

"How's the food lookin' BaKanda?"

"Ask me that one more time beansprout and I wont cook any more."

"Does that mean it's nearly done."

A frustrated sigh. "Yes."

"Wicked," he looked back at Lenalee and whispered; "is he wearing the apron?"

She chuckled at this; "yes." She whispered back.

The apron was Kanda's Christmas gift from Allen last year, one of the world famous aprons that said 'kiss the chef.' And the only reason the Japanese man ever wore it was because Allen also paid Lavi to get rid of his old apron, and any apron he bought thence forth. Kanda refused to get splattered dead animals on his clothes.

The red head put down the book he was reading, "Brewsky?" he asked, making Allen give him a quizzical look.

"What?"

"Beer, do you want one?" he stood up from his chair.

"Alright, what's a brewsky? And only if you haven't got any wine." Allen loved wine; it took him some time to come to terms with that fact, as the liquid brought back memories of a horrid mentor, in his past. He was just glad he'd never picked up the habit of smoking, or womanising for that matter.

"I read 'brewsky' in a book some where. It's like some weird slang for beer." Lavi said as he threw a bottle of beer at Allen, "sorry the wine's for later, it's beer-o'clock."

"Fine."

"Here's your food losers." Kanda came over and ditched plates with mountains of roasted and fat covered, still sizzling, meat.

"Yay! Brilliant! Thanks Kanda."

Heading back over to the barbeque, he removed his apron and grabbed a small bowl of cold noodles (soba obviously) and a large dish filled with half a kilo of prawns. The other half had been eaten the night before.

Allen's plate was already filled, as was his mouth, as Kanda sat down and the Asian reached across for some of the more crispy steak, and filled his plate with salad and prawns.

"Wouldn't your noodles be cold by now?"

"Soba is meant to be eaten cold," he muttered before taking a mouthful.

"Brewsky Kanda?," Allen spoke up, mouth not quite empty. Kanda gave him a disgusted look, "Is that what it's called Lavi?"

"What?"

"Yeah, a brewsky is slang for beer."

"I know, I'm not deaf, I just can't hear what the stupid beansprout is saying because there's something obscuring his mouth. Swallow before you speak."

Allen just rolled his eyes and finished his mouthful; "so do you want one or not?"

"Want what?"

"A beer!" the youngest member sighed exasperated.

"Che."

"That's a yes!" Lavi smiled before standing and returning to the esky, "and for the lady?" he called over his shoulder, feeling quite ashamed he hadn't offered earlier.

"Got any cruisers?"

"Nope."

"Oh what the heck, sure I'll have a _brewsky_." She smiled at Allen and popped some salad in her mouth.

"So little Lee," Lavi struck up conversation as he sat down, beers given out, "when will big Lee find out his precious sister's beautiful hair is all gone?"

"Uhh," she looked a little uncomfortable at the thought, tapping her lip with a thin finger, "tonight I guess, unless I stay here, but then that would only postpone it 'til tomorrow."

"Nervous about his reaction?" Allen asked, swallowing first and just to be obvious about it he turned to Kanda and opened his mouth wide, sticking his tongue out.

"Haha, he'll probably cry."

"We should specifically call him during the show and ask him to re-describe Lena's personality according to her hair." Lavi laughed to himself, cracking open another bottle of beer.

"Hah! Link would get so mad at you. God they'd probably even call in fricken _Leverrier_."

"God I hate that guy." Kanda put in, scowling at his food, "why do we even work for him?"

"Meh, he pays good." The red head shrugged before taking a large couple of gulps from his bottle.

"Lavi," Allen put forward tentatively, "how many bottles have you had now?"

"Only three Allen, settle."

He just shook his head, Lavi wasn't necessarily a big drinker, it wasn't a big 'must do' for him to get drunk. He was just addicted to having a good time. And let's face it; he liked his beer.

Once all the food was finished, and the mosquitoes became unbearable, the quartet made their way inside, and sat around a small circular table.

"Alright, wine time Lavi," Allen sighed, in an excited way, pulling a deck of cards out of nowhere and began to shuffle them. His favourite time of the night; poker, and _il vino_.

Lavi gave him a salute before turning around to get a bottle from the cupboard. Allen was keeping count on his friend now; 5 bottles of beer. It usually took Lavi 9 bottles before he was over, not passed out, just _silly_. But wine was a different story, because the blood, burgundy liquid just tasted so good, rich and smooth; coating your throat in a warm, but not burning way before settling in the stomach like a comfy pillow. It tasted so good, that even Allen forgot to pay attention to how much he drank.

"So what are we playing? Texas poker, black jack, hearts?"

"Go on Allen poker us up then, when know you want to." Lenalee winked at him, taking the glass Lavi poured for her.

"Don't cheat," Kanda growled, lifting his glass towards his and the younger males eye level, "or I'll dye your hair red with this."

Allen took his own glass, sniff the liquid, and then had a small mouthful, feeling the velvety blanket pass through him, he looked Kanda in the eye, "Don't do that! This is a good bottle, good choice Lavi." He added as he turned away.

Kanda stared at his friend, _why kind he eat food like he drinks wine?_

The night wore on, and they played more games other than poker, even pulling out the 'uno cards' at some stage, and Allen kept to his word- he didn't cheat... too much. And only as the night wore on did Kanda notice that Allen didn't eat food like he drank his wine, because he actually drank his wine like he ate his food. He wasn't overly sure why he only noticed it now after he'd known Allen for so many years.

"Beansprout. I think you should stop now." Kanda murmured as his friend poured himself yet another glass.

"Okay, okay, I'll just have this one." he waved his hand reassuringly.

"yes, Lavi, and Allen, I think you guys have had far too much!" Lenalee looked at them like a reprimanding mother hen.

"Aye aye milady," Lavi cooed, leaning towards her, "but you 'ave had too-much-too! You cannot drarve home, b'cause youu are'over the limit." He slurred 'as-matter-of-factly' shaking his head slightly to make it definite.

"Alright shall we hit the hay then?"

"Sounds good, night." Kanda stood quickly and tried to escape the morons but Lenalee was quick to stop him.

"Could you just make sure Allen makes it to his bed?"

"che." He sighed and walked back to the table, ready to drag Allen by his shoulder.

"I'm alright, I'm alright," Allen told him, despite holding onto the Asian's arms for support, wobbling a bit, "whoa, shit! I did have a bit din i?" he looked at Kanda with large, innocent eyes, causing Kanda's heart to falter slightly.

"Yes you did, you stupid beansprout now get your arse down that hall and into bed.

"Right, you're right Kanda," he mumbled as he walked into the wall and leaned on it to get to his room, "you're always right."

Kanda watched him, and the younger turned briefly to give a cheeky smile, before stumbling down the hall. Lavi's voice bought the Asian's attention back to his act of leaving.

"Quick Yu! Now'z your chanze," he struggled up from the table and to his feet; "Allen'z an honest drunk. Veeeery vulnerble, vulnab, vul-vulnera. You know."

And then he fell over.

"Did the fucking rabbit just fucking pass out?" Kanda asked Lenalee, agitated.

"No, I think he's just asleep."

The Asian male rubbed his face in annoyance; "urgh, let's just put him on the couch, his flat's too far away."

"Alright. Guess I'm sleeping at yours then."

That made Kanda stop; "what?"

"Well I can't stay at Lavi's can i?"

Kanda wasn't stupid enough to ask why she couldn't stay here; "fine, but you're on the couch."

"Where else?"

The two Asians, mainly Kanda, eventually managed to haul their stupefied friend onto the couch, and, dusting their hands, left Lenalee playfully nudging her tall friend;

"You don't snore do you?"

**A/N: yay! This fic is really fun to write XD I hope everyone is enjoying it as much as I am. I meant to get a description on Lavi's hair and personality link in there somewhere but it wouldn't flow properly. Thankyou everyone for the reviews! I had one person ask what the 3's were in the last chapter, and just in case anyone else was confused I was trying to make the msn/im love heart with the left arrow and 3 but it didn't work. this is not and allenxlena i know it seems like it al momento but its not.**

**I don't know if anyone has heard of brewsky before, I don't even know if it's real slang. Its just what my brother uses in terms of beer.**

**And the barbeque... I don't know if it's the same everywhere (I live in Australia- sorry for sounding patriotic in the previous chap!) but I think another term for it is a grill. But anyway any more questions feel free to ask ^_^**

**Please review!!!**


	3. the weekend

**Saturday.**

Allen woke with a burning, throbbing pain in his head. Arrows piercing through his eyes, neck and temples. Moaning, he tried to roll from his side onto his stomach, but instead rolled completely off the bed and onto the floor with a loud thud. He lay there for a short while, counting the seconds til the pain receded, even if only slightly, palms pressing into his eyes.

He forced himself to his knees and then straight up on his feet, leaning backwards to crack his back. Rubbing his messy hair, he stumbled blindly into his bathroom and pulled open the medicine cupboard. Finally locating the pain killers; he took two, and then stripped turning on the shower. He was tempted to make it a cold shower as a form of punishment for himself, but settled for splashing his face with cold water before jumping in.

He only had a quick shower, knowing that he had work early that afternoon, but not knowing the present time. Back in his room, he was shocked to find it wasn't even 9 o'clock yet, but he got dressed into his work clothes anyway, he'd need to leave in just under 3 hours anyway. As he thought about getting back into bed for a brief nap his stomach let out a deafening signal of the apocalypse, and he sighed in resignation, casting a dismayed glance towards his inviting bed.

Down the hall and in the basic lounge/dining room Allen received a bit of shock as he walked past his couch, not even noticing the flaming red, and suddenly heard a snore and moan. He stopped and turned suddenly, but seeing it was only his friend, relaxed his tense shoulders and turned to go back to the bathroom. He returned to the lounge and place two painkillers in the open hand and fetched a glass of water. Returning to the moaning Lavi, Allen placed the cup of water in his friends hand, which was empty, the painkillers miraculously having disappeared.

A mumbled "thankyou" was heard as he walked back to where the food called for him.

He turned the stove top on, and turned around to get eggs from the fridge, his thoughts something like this;

_Scramble? Sunnyside up? Scrambled? Sunnyside up?_

He eventually decided on Sunnyside up, and cracked the eggs into a pan. While they sizzled away, he returned to the freezer and retrieved the bacon; too impatient to wait for it to cook; he nuked it in the microwave. Before the eggs burnt he quickly grabbed two plates and put toast in the toaster, or should I say 'put bread in the toaster.' By now Allen's head ache was clearing and he was functioning almost properly; the eggs were off the fry pan and on the plate, the microwave 'tinged' and by the time the bacon had joined the eggs; the toast had popped.

"Lavi! Breakfast is ready." He called as he picked up the plates, as well as cutlery, and placed them on the table. Seating himself, he received a reply in the form of a groan.

"No. you have to eat at the table lazy arse."

He heard shuffling behind him, and a half conscious Lavi slumped onto a seat; "smells good. Al you're a legend, except... coffee?" he smiled childishly at his friend.

Allen continued to devour his glorious food, speaking through mouthfuls, "finish your water first, and then you can help yourself."

They ate in silence, Allen finishing first, smiled as he remembered the night before. He loved Friday nights, they always had so much fun just doing nothing.

"What are you smiling at Allen?" Lavi questioned, and then smiled as if he knew some dirty secret, "did you have a good dream last night?" he waggled his eyebrows.

With a roll of his eyes, Allen got up and cleared the table, ignoring the comment.

"I have work in a couple of hours, you're welcome to have a shower here or you could walk the 30 seconds over to your own flat and go back to bed, but I'm going to go practice now."

Lavi stood and stretched, following his friend into the kitchen, "can a come and watch?"

"If you must, but please don't disturb me."

The red head gave a mock solute and followed his friend into the study which, being only a small room, contained only a grand piano.

Lavi sat on the floor by the door and fiddled with his pocket while Allen prepared himself in front of his instrument. He did a few basic warm ups before completely enveloping himself into the score. He had lifted the lid to create a complete onslaught of sound, and Lavi found himself sinking into the blanket. Allen was focused, yet relaxed, being one with the piano and making his fingers flow down the keys like a wayward river, swishing and stopping suddenly to change direction, but pausing long enough to create a calm impression.

He practiced for the hour straight, some songs he knew by heart, others not so well. He wasn't perfect so there were the occasional mistakes, but he never paused in his playing, learning as he went along. Lavi drifted in and out of sleep, depending on the tempo, and when Allen's final song came to a graceful end, the red head watched as his friends fingers lingered, longingly over the keys for just that little bit longer.

"You know," Lavi spoke up, "I can hear you playing over at my place, pianos are pretty loud huh?"

"Mm."

"So maybe Lenalee and Kanda are awake now."

"Did Lenalee stay at Kanda's?" Allen forehead creased into a frown and was surprised to find himself a little annoyed at this, though he couldn't quite pinpoint the reason.

"Well I would assume so," Lavi scratched his chin thoughtfully, "she wouldn't be able to get into my place, and I distinctly remember telling her she'd had too much to drink, though not much after that."

Allen weighed that up, sitting cross legged on his piano stool, it made sense; "right so shall we go wake them up then?"

"Sure. Maybe Kanda will be kind enough to make me a coffee." The red head sulked as he left the room.

"Pfft. Not likely."

As it was Kanda and Lenalee were already awake, and engaging in a, mainly one sided, conversation. And although Kanda, as predicted by Allen, refused to make Lavi his much desired caffeine shake, Lenalee kindly obliged, Allen and Kanda both caving in and asking for one themselves. Lavi, ecstatic in his achievement, followed Lenalee like a lost puppy as she did what she did best, leaving Allen and Kanda alone on the couch.

Kanda had his cheek resting on his fist as he leant on the arm of the chair, while Allen completely slumped backwards, head hanging limply over the back.

"So what happened to Lavi last night?" he asked to the ceiling.

"Che." Kanda almost blushed as he recalled what his red head friend had told him to do before he had passed out, and had an image of Allen's cheeky smile, " pretty much babbled on about nothing. Told Lenalee she'd had too much to drink, and passed out on your dining floor." He blinked and looked over at the beansprout, whose body gave a small lurch as he 'hmphed.'

"As long as no vomit was involved."

"If there was you would know, because I wouldn't clean it up."

Allen gave him a playful kick, "jerk."

"Che. Loser."

Lavi came bounding in, keeping true to his rodent nickname, and plonked himself on the couch, right in between his two friends, making Allen sit up straight, and the Japanese man look back to the floor. Lenalee followed, more elegantly, with a tray of steaming mugs.

"Here you go Allen, and Kanda that's yours." Lenalee and Lavi both had two sugars in their coffee so there was no need to distinguish them, where as Allen had four, and Kanda had none.

"Thankyou Lenalee," Allen sighed into his cup, taking a big gulp.

They sat comfortably, talking about the weekend; if anyone had plans, who was working when, and so on. Lavi had the day off today, but was working at the library all of the next day, Lenalee was working that evening, and doing some filing with her brother the next day and Kanda claimed to be bunked down with some uni work.

Kanda and Lavi were completing their final year at university, Lavi studying history and literature, and Kanda a sports fitness/human biology course. Allen was about to start his second year at the same uni, studying music and professional writing, Kanda's course went on 1 week longer than anyone else's so while Allen and Lavi were on holidays already, Kanda had a few last minute assignments to polish off.

Before he knew Allen had to rush off, practically throwing the empty mug at Lenalee he ran from Kanda's flat yelling goodbye. Luckily he had his keys on him, and had thought to dress for work beforehand, so he jumped straight in to his car and hit accelerate.

Allen worked in a small restaurant just off the highway, most of the time they just had people come in for a coffee or a quick break in their travels. And quite often they would have tourists coming through, sometimes staying the night in the little inn out the back. Allen was a waiter, and despite being naturally clumsy, he was a pretty good waiter. Constantly working; his 5 hour lunch shift was over in no time. It was a busy day at work, though it had been worse before, and Allen was feeling pretty keen to get out of there but much to his disappointment the pink haired chef called him back as he signed out.

"Yes Jerry?" he asked, sticking his head through the kitchen door.

The pink braided chef was chopping vegetables furiously, and didn't even glance up as he quickly handed a tin to Allen, "could you please take that to Komui sweetie? Tell it's my new recipe." He finally looked up and smiled... charmingly... at Allen.

"Alright, see you tomorrow morning then." He said as he left, lifting up the tea towel that covered the tin to have a sniff of what was inside. He quickly pulled the tin away from himself, holding his arms out like metal rods.

_Cake!_

_Freshly baked cake!_

_Freshly baked cake that smells oh so deliriously smooth and delicate and absolutely edible in all the meanings of delicious._

Damn Jerry. Allen had to put the delicacy in the backseat so that he would eat it while he drove, but the aromas filled his car like tobacco in a phone booth, and his mouth was drooling everywhere. Only Jerry could make a cake taste so good. And only Jerry would give to a certain sweet loving employee to transport.

Amazingly enough, the cake made it to the Lee household, still in the shape of a squashed cylinder. Allen even managed to get up to the front door, though he was almost in tears.

Komui finally answered the door, after several knocks, looking slightly dishevelled.

"Oh hello Allen. How are you?"

"I'm good thanks Komui. Are you ok?" he asked, concerned.

"Well it's just," he looked ready to cry, "My precious Lenalee didn't come home last night! Where is she Allen?"

"Oh well, she had a little bit too much to drink and-"

"You boys took advantage of her and did frivolous uncalled for things didn't you?!" he leaned over Allen menacingly, who put his arms up in alarm.

"No no! She didn't have _that_ much to drink. I mean we wouldn't do that even if she had but we just didn't want her drink driving, ah look I brought cake! From Jerry."

"Oo cake!" Komui squealed, yanking the tin from Allen's hands, and turned to go inside, but Allen held the door open.

"Um Komui, I was wondering could I pretty please have a taste?" he begged with a cute smile.

"No! And don't you ever come near here or my precious Lenalee ever again you pervert!" and he slammed the door on poor Allen's face.

Rubbing his nose he pulled out his mobile phone and decided to text his Chinese friend; 'you're brother has issues.' But put a smiley face on the end; just so she knew he was being friendly.

He got a reply on his drive home, but thought better of checking it whilst weaving through traffic, when he did get a chance to read it, he was hopping out of his car.

'He's a little eccentric isn't he?'

And he laughed, not bothering to text back. Pocketing his phone he opened his front doors and flung himself down on the couch. "So tired," he mumbled into the cushion. And then in a fit of forcefulness, he rubbed his face into the offending cushion making noises similar to that of a dinosaur, before sitting up and glaring at the cushion and couch; "dare you look so comfortable and welcoming!" he growled before throwing the fluffy square back to it's spot. He picked a book of the floor and, laying back, read it. If anything he was really just reading to pass the time til his stomach would give him the sign, but the book was a necessity for his next semester at the uni, so he figured he may as well start it. It took a while to get started and he checked the back cover to discover it was in fact a mystery romance about a detective and a suspect. He couldn't help but roll his eyes, of course it was going to be a slow start, the descriptions were good but not in the way to get your heart pumping or your mind focused. And Allen of course found his mind wandering. Eventually, he didn't even realise, he wasn't trying to concentrate anymore, in fact he wasn't even looking at the book, as his mind pranced along the plains of his wrinkly brain into the memory of the cake he never got to try.

Before he knew it his stomach was eating itself, and the sky was darkening. He put the book on the floor and growled at the couch again.

"You made me fall asleep you fiend!" and he punched the cushion for good measure.

Stumbling into the kitchen he thought over all his dinner possibilities. His stomach gave another thunderous moan. Alright a quick dinner.

"Nachos!" he hummed padding over to the pantry to make sure he had corn chips. He did. Whilst pouring the chips into a bowl he thought quickly of his studying Japanese friend.

Kanda probably wouldn't feed himself simply because he wouldn't think of it, studying and working constantly. For all Allen knew; he probably didn't have lunch! The cooking male winced at the thought and quickly brought out another bowl. Once the nachos were prepared (after trying to fit both of them in the microwave at once) Allen ran into the study to grab a couple of manuscripts. He decided he'd heat the nachos up at Kanda's place so they wouldn't go cold, and so grabbing both bowls, manuscripts in mouth he made his way to his friends place.

He knocked once but didn't wait for an answer, if Kanda was home the door was never locked, except maybe at night-Allen wasn't sure, admittedly he had never checked.

"Kanda?" he called out to the silent house, which remained silent. "hmmm." He had put his things down in the kitchen and opened the study door. And there he was, hair tied completely out of his face, leaning over a text book, comparing his notes. He didn't look up, and Allen noticed he was wearing ear phones, but caught the intruder's movements through the corner of his eye. He sighed, put down his pen and took the plugs out of his ears.

"Sup Beansprout?"

Allen twitched at the name but made no comment; "you shouldn't listen to music while you're studying. It's distracting."

"Che. What do you want?"

"I brought you dinner." Allen smiled in reply, and the Asian stood up.

"Che."

"What? No thankyou?" Allen pouted, putting his hands on his hips and glaring at the approaching man.

"I didn't ask you to make it for me." And he patted Allen's head, like a dog. But as derogatory as it was, it was as close to a thankyou as he was going to get, so Allen just rolled his eyes and followed the Asian out of the room.

In the kitchen Kanda picked up the smaller bowl of nachos and chucked it in the microwave, he pulled two cups out but only got himself a drink. Allen helped himself to the second cup.

After they both had their steaming bowls of nachos they sat down at the dining table to eat together.

"Did you remember to eat lunch?" Allen asked, food ever present on his mind.

Kanda pulled up a chip with a lot of stringy cheese, looking at it with mild disgust, "che."

Allen gathered that as a no, he sighed; "I gathered as much. Did Lenalee and Lavi go out?"

"Probably."

"mm. Komui had a fit at me cause she didn't come home last night."

"Why were you at that place?" Kanda asked frowning at him.

Allen shrugged his shoulders; "Jerry asked me to deliver a cake for him." this made Kanda snort.

"Did you actually deliver it sprout?"

"Yes!" he puffed out indignantly, "I'll have you know I have lots of self control."

Kanda coughed, or snorted or did a coughing snort. Maybe he choked on a corn chip; "sure, sure. I bet your car is filled with saliva."

"Whatever." Allen finished his dinner, leaving Kanda with half a bowl still to go.

"Christ you eat like a pig."

"Shut up BaKanda. Just cause you eat like a princess."

They were both looking for a fight, and they both knew that they were both looking for a fight.

"Say that again bean. I fucking dare you to say it again." He growled fiercely.

The smaller male stood and leaned over the table, "are your ears too delicate to have heard me the first time, _princess_."

A fierce growl and then Allen was wrenched of his feet to Kanda's side of the table, somehow managing to not lose what was left of the dinner. They were wrestling on the ground, occasionally landing punches, but mostly just using weight and force to push, shove, and roll around. In this kind of battle Kanda, being the bigger of the two, always won. And he did so tonight, eventually pinning Allen beneath him, straddling his hips, strong arms pinning down the pale and skinny wrists.

"Give up Bean," he smirked to the still squirming boy.

He started to buck, "never!" he declared, "get off!"

Outside, Lavi was wandering aimlessly towards his house (not very aimless then really.) when he heard the kerfuffle. He paused and looked at his Asian friends house and frowning he walked to the door and opened it. What he saw was certainly not what he expected;

A squirming and bucking Allen pinned underneath a still and smirking Yu.

But they both froze immediately when the red head spoke up; "Christ I know I said it a lot but I didn't think you guys were actually queer!"

All three of them just stared at each other for a full minute.

Insert tumbleweed here.

"Right, well don't mind me," Lavi smiled encouragingly, regaining his 'cool', "carry on." He closed the door as he left quietly, leaving the other two still sitting, and laying, on the floor in silent shock.

Allen recovered first; "Kanda get off me!" he yelled, giving one final lurch.

Kanda's reaction was a little different as he jumped off the younger male and ran to the front door; "I'll kill him!"

Allen just rolled his eyes, like he normally did. Lavi's 'queer' jokes were starting to get old, and were pretty much just washing over him. After all what was he worried about? It's not like he was actually gay or anything. He blushed. Was he?

**Sunday**

Allen had the breakfast shift at work the next morning, so he had to get up excruciatingly early in order to eat his fill before leaving. The restaurant was empty when he first arrived and was slow to fill. All in all it was poor business, not many customers at all. But towards the end of his shift he had some late breakfast arrivals that looked strangely familiar.

Allen couldn't place their names at first but he definitely remembered the spiky blue black and curly brown hair of the two golden eyed people he met at the shop. They walked in looking poachers searching for their prey. Except they weren't crouching down or carrying guns, or knives for that matter- well Allen hoped not.

Allen smiled as they spotted him, and Road skipped forward hurriedly, Tyki close behind.

"Allen!" she squealed, giving him a hug, "what a coincidence that we're seeing you here! Do you work here?"

"Ah yeah. It's Road and... Tyki! Isn't it?"

"Got it one kid" Tyki winked at him and it was only then that the waiter noticed he was smoking.

"Sorry Tyki, you're not allowed to smoke in here."

"Oh my bad." He removed it from his mouth ad put it out on the bottom of his shoe.

"Right so are you guys here for a breakfast, morning tea, or an early lunch?"

Tyki leaned forward enticingly, and Allen's smile strained uncomfortably; "whichever tickles your fancy."

The smell of tobacco still lingered on his breath, and Allen couldn't help but pull away. He supposed the man could be handsome and charming, if he wasn't so obnoxious. It was obvious he knew he was 'all that.'

"Haha," he smiled in a friendly way, "I'm only teasing kid, I think we'll just have a morning tea."

"Alright then," Allen's smile returned full force, alright he wasn't that bad and the little girl was cute and friendly too, "if you guys wanna sit anywhere you like I'll get you some menus."

"Thankyou Allen!" Road called as she skipped to the centre table, giving them a full view of the small restaurant.

The morning tea menu wasn't very big so Allen waited by their table to take their orders, after all there was no one else in the restaurant at that point in time. Tyki had a brief glance at the menu before settling with just staring at Allen. The white haired waiter didn't notice at first as he made a few quick notes at the bottom of his docket, but then felt the heavy gaze of those amber eyes.

He cleared his throat; "are you ready to order then?"

"Hmmm," Tyki gave Allen the once over and looked him directly in the eye, "I'll have a white chocolate muffin thanks."

"And I'll have a blue berry muffin with ice cream please Allen!"

"Sure!" he plastered a smile on his face and walked away with their orders.

"Tyki!" Road hissed across the table as soon as Allen was gone, "stop scaring him away!"

"Let's invite him to dinner."

"What?" the spiky haired girl leaned backwards a little shocked.

"We should ask him if he wants to come out to dinner with us some time."

Road smiled at this, having Allen for dinner. Ah... having Allen out with them for dinner, "okay!"

A few minutes later Allen came back in carrying two plates. He set them down on the table, and gave a quick bow, which was more of a habit rather than a hospitality requirement, bus as he turned to walk away Road called him back;

"Hey Allen!" the Dark skinned girl asked, "do you wanna come out to dinner with us some time?"

"What?!" he couldn't help but look slightly alarmed at their forwardness, "I'm really really sorry, I hate to be rude, but we've only met twice! And briefly. I don't quite know you yet!"

"Then think of the dinner as a," Tyki paused to look at the bit of muffin on the end of his fork, "get to know you dinner." He smiled as he ate the muffin.

Allen couldn't help but find this a sticky situation. They were being polite, and the request seemed sincere, Road was nice too, and they had told him that they were fans. Maybe they were sincere in getting to know Allen, the man behind the voice on the radio. But he couldn't help but feel a little put off by the abruptness. They'd only met twice and they were already asking him out to dinner. But alas he couldn't find it with in himself to be rude, he sighed.

"Ok. When?"

"Yay!" road squealed, doing a little dance in her chair. Allen couldn't help but give a small smile at that.

"Hmmm, let's say this Friday?" Tyki offered, half finished his muffin.

"Oh sorry. I'm busy on Friday." He couldn't stop the relief flooding him momentarily.

"Alright how about next Sunday then? In a week."

"Alright," he sighed, "I'll see you then."

_There had better be some bloody wine!_

* * *

**A/N phew! That was a long chapter. I'm disappointed in myself that there wasn't a talk back section. I hate writing about weekends. The week is so much more interesting. But oh well we got the whole weekend over and done with with one shot hi five!!!! Sorry if there are any mistakes or whatever. I had most of it proof read XD but then at the end my brother rushed me cause he wants the computer so I'm off now. just very slowly.**

**Hope you enjoyed it please review !!**


	4. wednesday

**Wednesday**

* * *

"Man this has been a long week."

"Che," a pause, signifying a twitch, "only because you're still here."

"Well at least I'm here! Our little Allen hasn't even shown up yet. Oh sorry! Welcome to your favourite talk back radio show, Lavi here and you over there, oh and Yu's here too and we'd like to introduce you to Allen's chair- because it's empty!" he ended the sentence yelling. Kanda just rolled his eyes. Regaining his composure Lavi cleared his throat, "ahem actually this could work to our advantage Yu-"

"I swear one more time and I'll-"

"PUBLIC RADIO!" Lavi interrupted before the rant could begin, making the Asian host scowl menacingly,  
"no but seriously. Okay so here's the dealio folks instead of asking you a question- as we normally do- I'm gonna break the routine a bit."

"Would you just hurry up and explain what you're going to do?!"

"Sheesh keep your panties on lollypop. Right-o then this weekend I had the delightful pleasure of watching our dear _chibi-_"

"Don't use Japanese like you know what it means!"

"But I do know what it means! Cute!"

"No," he replied flatly, "it means short."

"Well then it fits him fine all the way."

"You're not even Japanese!"

"I can't believe Al isn't even here yet." Lavi completely ignored his colleague.

A growl, "hurry up and finish what you're going to say dammit!"

"Yu! Are you actually interested in what I'm trying to say?"

No answer.

"Awesome. Right well I watched Allen play the piano, and I, being the almighty sneaky genius that I am, recorded him. So for the past 2 days I have been trying and trying to fix up this recording so that I could play it on the radio for everyone. Unfortunately it's not one of Al's originals but it's still absolutely fantasmic!"

"Che. You can hear him all the way across the complex, why would you have to go into his room to record him."

"Well it's nice to watch him."

A pause. "Are you gay?"

"You would know. You would know." He changed the subject before his imminent death. "But anyway I'm gonna play it for you all now and then we'll be taking calls on how awesome everyone thinks our little _Allen-chan_ plays."

Even though he knew, from the red head's smirk, that he was doing it on purpose, just to push his buttons, the Japanese host couldn't help but grind his teeth together;

"_chan_ is a suffix for _girls_." He said, sounding something similar to the Grimm Reaper.

"I know," Lavi waved him off, "now shush, it's about to start."

But at that moment the door is slammed open an in the frame stands a puffing Allen, looking rather dishevelled and only half dressed. The audience can hear his heavy breathing as he attempts to tip toe across the floor to his desk. He notices the other two just staring at him blankly. He hurriedly puts on his head phones and starts as though there was nothing wrong.

"What's happening?"

"Allen's back!!!"

"Che. What's happening with your clothes sprout?"

"Wha- I hey!"

"Rahaha I'll tell you what's happening; Kanda's gonna rip'em right off! Go Kanda go!"

The audience hears a 'thump.'

"Ow... Allen why are you so late by the way?"

"Urgh... ermmmm... you, ah, ahem, you don't wanna know."

"Damn straight. Cause we don't care. Rabbit hurry up!"

"Okay okay. Allen, just to update you, since you were so late, we've gone a _little_ off topic today and are doing something script free!"

"We're going to get fired."

"No we won't only good ol' Howie is back stage today, it's all safe. And besides look whose talking mister I'm-always-late."

"But I'm not always-"

"Would you both just f-beeeeeeeeeeeeep shut up?!"

"You know Al, that's his first one today. But anyway, I'm just playing a piece of music for everyone. You'll probably recognise it. He heh."

He punches the play button with enough force that the audience can here it and a sound begins to seep out. Drifting from speakers all around the country like mist, intoxicating the audience. Radio listeners these days, tut-tut, they just don't hear much of the classics anymore. But hopefully they'd understand the complexity of the piece that would begin shortly after the warm up. The first section itself was fairly basic; nothing to be impressed by. That is until after a short pause and then a flood of notes and intonation, expressing passion and an overwhelming wave of emotions came through. To most it was just sound like a piano being played; a classical tune; nothing special. But for those that knew Allen they would understand. Because he was self taught; so the extent of his knowledge was incredible for that very reason, even though there was definitely room for improvement. The feeling, the emotion, was there- as it always was for those who teach themselves as it's the passion that drives them, but the technique was lacking. Dynamics lazily explored, ritardo's cut short, but of no real consequence to the untrained ear. When it ends there is a shocked silence in the studio.

"I... Need _a lot _of improvement. Wait! Lavi! Why did you do that?! You didn't even ask! Oh my lord, what in God's name were you thinking?"

"Christ sprout, calm down, it's not that big a deal."

"Mr. Grumpy's right, for once, why are you so upset?"

"You didn't even ask!" he hissed at the red head.

"Well if I did you would have said no."

"Well yeah."

"And I would have done it anyway, so there's no harm I mean really!"

"Yes! Really indeed! I feel so embarrassed."

"Oh look the first caller through!"

"What?! You asked for people's opinions?!"

"Hello! Who may I ask is speaking?"

"Cloud Nine. I'm a music teacher, and I must say I found you're piece rather interesting, Mister Walker, it's fiercely expressive. But the techniques need a little shaping."

Allen's shoulders' slumped at this, he had been told that same critical sentence by almost all of his uni teachers; he was working on it.

"Thankyou, I am working on that, all of my university professors tell me the same thing."

"Good. Keep working on it. You could go far."

"Erm. Thanks, thankyou."

"mm. Bye now."

"Yes thankyou Miss Nine! Bye! Well that was positive wasn't it Al?"

"I guess."

"Get over it. these people are trying to help."

"Woot! Another caller! Hello who's this?"

"He-hello! My name is Lo Fwa... Oh my god oh my god! I can't believe I'm doing this, okay" a deep breath, "Allen I go to uni with you, I don't know if you know who I am but I truly think you're amazing. Everything about you, and now even your ability to play the piano. I admire how you manage two jobs and pass university, I think you're incredible. Also..." there is a pause in which there is whispering heard in the back ground '_just do it! What's the worst that can happen?' 'okay, okay shush!'_ "also, I, I think that you are um... are quite attrac- ahem- I think you're quite attractive!"

The last bit was said loud and fast before the dial tone is heard. Silence fills the studio, and Allen looks quite pale, though no one can really figure out why. Kanda is looking silently pissed at the floor, and Lavi's staring at the phone, genuinely shocked.

"I... don't think we've ever been hung up on before!"

"Che. She probably realised what she said and ran away before the sprout could ask her out."

"I wouldn't do that! You have to get to know someone first!"

"Yeah whatever. Who'd want to get to know you?"

"God you can be such an arse."

"Allen why won't you censor yourself?!"

"_Arse _is hardly worth censoring Lavi."

"Yes well... I think we have time for one more call."

"hieeeeeeee Allen! Remember me? Of course you do! It's Road! And Tyki's here too! We just wanted to say how wonderful your playing is. Of course it's not as good as uncle Earl's but we have a piano so you're welcome to play it."

"Hello boy." An exhale is heard, "didn't know you played."

"Ah well I'm self taught, so I don't really _­spread_ ­it around much, you know?"

"Hmmm." **(A/N We all know what he's thinking right now. Especially if you like Tyken)**

"Do you guys know each other?"

"Yeah! Didn't Allen tell you?! We met him on Friday, and then again on Sunday and now! We have a date!" she ends with a squeal.

"What?" everyone is shocked at the darkness of Kanda's voice, let alone that he spoke at all.

"what's it to you anyway?" he could explain that it wasn't a real date later, right now Kanda was getting on his nerves.

"How old is she? Like twelve?"

"Actually I'm 16."

"Shut up I don't care."

"I sense jealousy in the air. Les gasp! A lover's tiff!"

"One more gay comment from you _rodent_ and I'm leaving."

"Awww don't be like that Yu-"

"Kanda, if it makes you feel any better it's not a real date, right Road, Tyki?"

"Yeah... not real" exhale.

"Che."

"Well it looks like our time is pretty much up, thanks for calling us Tyki, and Road? And I hope you guys have fun on your 'date'. Don't do anything indecent to our little Allen."

"Hehe, alright bye then boys."

"Bye!"

"Well Allen... _were_ you going to tell us about your new _friends_?"

"Yeah... I mean, I didn't think it mattered that much anyway... Are we done prying into my personal life on _public radio_?!"

"Che. Not like anyone cares anyway." With that Kanda's ear phones are off and he's leaving the room.

Allen and Lavi share a look before the red head concludes the show, "well looks like it's time so that concludes our half hour of power, tune in the same time tomorrow for more awesomeness. Gooooood nighty then!"

"Hope you enjoyed a day in the life of me. Bye now."

"Yu says bye too."

* * *

"What is your problem?" Allen was pissed, he was so mad his hair was getting a slightly reddish tinge. He stormed into the car park to find the Asian co-worker already in his car and driving away. Allen, standing in the middle of the road in attempt to kill himself, stopped the other man; slamming his palms on the bonnet of the car.

"You!" Kanda stated calmly, "You're my problem; you're so fucking annoying. Just come to work looking like trash when ever you bloody well please, and act like the whole fucking world is against you!"

Allen was furious now. How dare he?! Did he know every speck and detail about Allen's life? Of course he didn't, he couldn't give two flying fucks what the white haired boy did outside of work. Hell he couldn't care less about anyone else! So what gave him the right to start giving him crap now? "I do _not_ act like the whole fucking world is against me. That's your job, Mr. I-don't-give-a-fuck!" seriously what was his problem? He hadn't been like this all week, something just fired up today. "Have I even done something to piss you off? Like what the fuck?"

"Yeah. You piss me off simply by existing. Now get the fuck out of my way before I make my wish come true."

"Fuck you." Allen can't remember ever having sworn so much in one sitting.

With that the Asian man slipped his car in reverse, almost causing Allen to face plant as he stumbled slightly, and drove around him harshly, millimetres from clipping his elbow on the wing mirror.

Allen just stood there and watched the car get smaller, unsure of what to do. _what is his problem?!_ He shook his head slightly before making a decision; _I need a drink_.

"Al you alright buddy?" an arm was thrown casually around his neck, shaking him from his reverie, "so is that no butt sex tonight then?"

Tomato, no beetroot, and then back to cranberry juice pouring from his ears. Those were the steady flow of representations exploding on Allen Walker's face, "WHAT?!"

Maybe he needs more than just 'a drink' so alas, the red head found himself dragged into the pub down the road by a somewhat angry beansprout.

The pub smelled heavily of tobacco, and alcohol. And it was filled with burly working class men. Allen and Lavi didn't seem to notice that they were the odd ones out, well they usually were so they pretty much gotten used to it. Allen liked pubs because not many people stared at his arm, not that it really mattered to him anymore; it was just another thing that he got used to. But in a place where the majority of people are drunk, or half way there, nobody really cared what you looked like. The two sat on a stool at the bar and waited patiently on Lavi's behalf and not quite so on Allen's; who was fidgeting, had his eye twitching with a million thoughts battling in his head. Today was just weird, and plain annoying.

"Wha' can I getcha boys?" the bar tender had a strange accent, not quite placeable, and was looking rather tired.

"Port, double and," he paused to look at the red head who just shrugged, "annnd a glass of house red thanks!"

As the bar tender shuffled around preparing their drinks, Lavi crossed his arms and huffed.

"Oh fine! Just get _me_ the cheap stuff! You know, no biggy!"

"Well next time be more specific than just a shrug of the shoulders."

Lavi needed to win this argument... but how? "Well what if I didn't want wine huh? What if I wanted beer?"

Well that was true Lavi did prefer beer to wine any day, but he still drank the bloody liquid, if a little grudgingly.

"I'm not a bloody mind reader you know. Get a beer then I'll drink your wine."

"here ye' are."

"Thanks could I also grab an Amber Ale with that buddy?"

The man took a while to answer; clearly he didn't want to be working tonight, "sure."

"Thanks mate." Allen muttered as he dragged Lavi's wine glass over to his double shot of port. "it would be nice to enjoy this stuff... buuuut it's in a shooter anyway." And he took the shot in one tremendous gulp. Lavi could already see where this night was going; with the way that Allen ate, his drinking habits matched, Lavi would just have to make sure he was able to drive home at the end of this.

"mmm you should have had some of that Lavi, very nice."

The red head just rolled his eyes, he felt very odd being the mature one, but someone had to make sure they got home safely, "I don't think I'm going to like fortified wone when I can barely stand the original."

Allen just shrugged his shoulders, "suit yourself."

Lavi couldn't figure out what was chewing his friend up so much. Surely Kanda being an arse wouldn't have made him drink away his sorrows, and he was close to positive that if Allen was mad at him for the piano; Lavi wouldn't be here with him. he wasn't sure whether he should ask his friend about it now or just wait til he was drunk an 'vulnerable.' After a moments pause he decided on the latter, it held a more positive looking outcome. He took a sip of his beer; he hadn't even noticed it had arrive, as Allen downed half his house red.

"gah! Awful stuff, should get some shiraz cabernet I think," and he finished the glass before calling the bar tender back over.

_It's going to be a long night_.

-

4 hours, a fair few too many drinks and an eventfully chatty drive home later.

-

"Oh my GOD!" giggle, "Lavi! I think you jurst pazzed the houze. Oh wait... iz the next one. heh... heheh.... HAHAHAA whoa! The car juzt'opped!" Allen looked around himself in surprise, as though he had only just realised where he was. Lavi's ears felt like they were going to drop off. He'd tried to ask Allen what had been on his mind that night; but he forgot how talkative the kid could be when he was over the limit. Hence there was no straight answer.

"Lavi didyou drive _all_ the way 'ere. Yuu're amazzzzzzzzzing! Really, really, really REALLY truly incred-able. Whoa!" he'd tried to get himself out of the car and ended up face down on the bitumen and began an outright laughing fit. Actually the red head couldn't help but find it a little funny as well; his friend fell out of the car and began rolling around like a cat, laughing hysterically.

"Allen! You look like a cat! Hahaha!" okay so maybe he'd had a little too much to drink as well. Let's just keep that on the low key okay? Just be grateful he'd actually got them both home in one piece. May Kanda never find out, or the mother hen (aka Lenalee.) less they both lose their legs.

"BAHAHAHAHAAA lavi! Yuu're zo silly! Hehe m'ow m'ooowwwwwwww!" hehehe" he suddenly stopped laughing and looked at his friend, who happened to still be standing, with large cheeky eyes "oh ma god! We has too like _egg Kanda's house!"_ he whispered the world's most evil plan. Lavi stopped laughing as well and smiled hugely before making a mad dash into his friend's house, as he had the keys. Allen was hot on his heels. Well would have been if he wasn't tripping on every imaginary pebble.

Once inside the kitchen they grabbed as many eggs as they could carry, not quite being smart enough in that moment in time to think of carrying the cartons. Allen dropped two in the process, causing a twenty minute delay due to uncontrollable laughter. The white haired boy nearly ended up with a face full of egg when he nearly tripped on the door frame. Another twenty minute delay.

"muhahahahhahaaaaaaa" the youngest of the devilish, drunken duo began his 'evil genius' laugh before throwing the first egg. "Take that Kanda! Yeah I'd like too zee yuu clean thiz'off muhahahaha!"

"Wouldn't it be cool if they were rotten?" the two looked at each other before bursting into another fit of giggles. Allen turned back to the house to throw another egg to find a very angry, incredibly pissed, and terrifyingly furious Yu Kanda glaring at him from the door way. He let out a girlish squealed tripped on another imaginary pebble.

Lavi dropped all the eggs he was still holding, conveniently right next to Allen's head getting splatters on him.

"it was Allen! I swear I had nothing to do with it!" Lavi stared wide-eyed at the approaching Asian of fury. Allen was now trembling on the floor at his feet, and stuttered mutely upwards;

"Lavi...? wh-who'z idea waz thiz agen?" voice still slurred.

Kanda had reached them now and plucked Allen up from the ground from the front of his shirt, speaking in a voice, deadly calm; "what the fuck are you doing?" Allen dropped his eggs.

"eep."

That was when Kanda smelled his breath, in just that short sound escaping from his lips, the furious man understood the situation. Didn't make him any happier though. "Are you drunk?!"

"... Maybe..?"

He turned to the red head; "you got him drunk?!"

Lavi put his hands up in defence, "how is this my fault?"

"you're both idiots!" he dropped the bag of alcoholic beans back onto the floor and stormed off to the side of his house, Allen sat there frozen staring after him, he looked back up to Lavi who seemed to be in deep thought, well as deep as the mind goes when it's chock full of liquor; "'e's zo scar-wee zometimes."

"Mm..."

The devil returned from the side of the house with something resembling a snake in his hands. He thrust the hose at Allen; "clean it up."

He nodded his head vigorously.

"Why're you even awake?!" Lavi finally burst out, making Kanda's eye twitch before he turned to the semi-drunk radio host speaking menacingly;

"It's 9 fucking 30 at night! Every one is still awake!" he turned his death glare onto Allen who was still paralysed on the ground, "beansprout! Clean now!"

"Ahhh! Okay! Please don't hurt me." And he ran off, squirting the hose at the egg splotches.

"Psst! Yu!" Lavi hissed to his 'friend' – that term is used loosely in times like these.

"Don't! call me that!" he turned and continued his glare.

"Remember what I said on Friday!" he wiggled his eyebrows and shoulders before turning with a wink... or blink, whichever.

"Che. Fuck you." He muttered under his breath before moving towards the house and sitting on the doorstep. He let out an exasperated sigh. "why do you go and get drunk on a week night anyway?"

"You made me upset." He huffed as he continued to squirt the hose.

"Oh well go have a cry. Fucking drown yourself when you have to get up at 6 am." Kanda shook his head, he worked with idiots.

Allen was still annoyed at the guy and couldn't here the barely detectable concern in his voice. "Yeah well wha'z'it to you? You don' care. You 'ate me 'memba!"

"Christ, don't speak to me when you're drunk, seriously, you don't make sense."

He pouted, murmuring to the window; "you spoke to me first."

The Asian looked away from the other's face and up to the sky, "Whatever."

There were a few minutes of silence, save the sound of water on glass, as Kanda sat contemplatively looking at the stars and moon. What was it that pissed him off today? He couldn't even figure it out for himself.

"'m vinished." He swayed on his feet with his eyes half closed.

Kanda glared at him, "don't you fucking pass out on me," like that would make a difference.

"zorry," he jerked his head a little, to wake himself up, and walked towards his friend, subconsciously dropping the hose; "Kanda... why don' you like me?"

And he fell. He was gone, completely trashed and literally off his face, passing out at his friends feet. Kanda just sat there shocked and slightly annoyed; why did he have to drink himself silly like this?

"che. Idiot." He muttered before leaning down and picking the boy up. He was muttering dark curses under his breath as he trudged over to the next house.

He dropped Allen unceremoniously on his bed, making the sleeping male groan a bit before returning to stillness. At least Kanda knew he was still alive.

He was about to leave, when he felt a slight breeze. _Maybe he'll get cold._ He reasoned before tucking Allen in. he stared at the pale figure on the bed.

He didn't want to admit it. He _really_ didn't want to admit it. Not even to himself. Wished he'd never realised it, never noticed the faster pumping of his heart at the sight and close contact with the other boy. He couldn't be, it just wasn't right. And how did the rabbit even know?

Who in their right mind would be gay for this kid?

* * *

**A/N XD yay!!! Im so glad I finished that! I'm so sorry about the wait. I hpe this chapter wasn't disappointing! If it's not funny let me know... though im not sure ill be able to do anything about it... it's just how I am I can only do so well at certain things... sorry /\_/\ but please review and don't be afraid to ask if you don't understand something; especially Allen's speech.**

**Please review! **

**And thankyou for all my reviews and story alerts and favourites and author alerts. You make my world go round! xx**


	5. images thursday

**Thursday**

"WHOAA! People! You. Will. Not. Believe this! But Allen is early!"

Grumble. "'m always early." He replied, yawning.

"you can't _still _be hung over."

"Kanda I don't think that's... possible. Anyway! Afternoon listeners you are listening, hopefully once again to your favourite talk back radio station with the almighty dynamic, psychotic murderer, and slightly hung over, possibly drunk, favourite trio, me, Kanda and Allen. Yays! Be happy. If you're wondering about the oh-so-gloomy presence of Al chewing through your car, or stereo, speakers-"

"'m not gloomy."

"He had a _big_ night last night. Poor little guy. Or he _could _be big, but you'd have to ask Kanda on that one."

"WHAT!?"

"What! Would- just- you- what- fuck- GAH! You're so annoying."

"Lavi! We're on the air!"

"I know. But seriously how sore - beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep."

"Lavi! Nobody wants to hear it!"

"But- beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"

"No. shush."

"Allen- beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"

Pause...

"Stop –beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep."

...

"_Abusing the censor butt-_beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"

When Lavi finally gave up on trying to talk; Allen turned to his Asian co-worker; "what did you do to me while I was sleeping?!"

Kanda just looked at him as though he was calmly _out of his freaking mind!_

"Che."

"Never before has one word sounded so _suspicious_."

"Lavi. I haven't given you permission to talk again yet."

"So?"

Allen raised his finger above the censor button threateningly.

"Press it again sprout and _I'll_ pummel you."

"Careful Al, he'll hold true to that. In a way you won't expect."

"I will kill you." This sounded even creepier to the very confused, and slightly disturbed audience as the alto mixed with baritone in harmony of the two voices.

Kanda's eye twitched. He really didn't know how to react in this kind of situation. All he wanted to do was turn to his dark side and go on a murderous rampage, killing everyone he came across, and the red head was first.

"Okay... let's move on. Today's topic of discussion is... glue."

"What?"

"Yeah you know how they use horses to make glue, so animal rights protestors are taking a stand. I mean I fully agree. The poor horses, they've only got hard hooves and massive leg muscles, they can't defend themselves,"

"You're not sounding overly sincere. Are you serious?"

"Deadly. Though it's not really our topic, but do keep the animals in mind folks, they're very cute!"

"Are you an animal rights activist?"

"tsk tsk Dear Little Allen. What will we do with you?"

"What?!" he whined.

"Shut up! Can we just do the question now, you're so annoying."

"Alright well the question is actually kind of annoying. It has nothing to do with music, but this _is_ a 'popular culture' radio station... anyway the question is: does myspace make people anti-social?"

"ummm I don't have a myspace."

"Who does? It's a complete waste of time."

"No it's not! Gosh! You guys are from the cave days! Myspace is a wonderful new way of communication, we're you can send text messages for your friends, but they're _free!_ Well... except your internet bill but you'd be using the internet for reasons other than just myspace. It's a welcome distraction! Don't dis the 'space man!"

...

"You have one don't you."

"well what do our listeners think?? Does myspace make you anti-social? Call this number; 1300 558 967, and let us know!"

There was a moment of awkward silence making listeners everwhere think their reception was shotty.

"Ahem... don't either of you two have something to say?"

"No. it's a load of crap. If you really want to talk to your friend then go freaking visit them."

"What if they live in another country?"

"Call them."

"What if you, or they, don't have a phone."

"Che. And you said _I_ lived in a cave."

"Well I think it's just another dangerous chance for paedophiles to scare unsuspecting victims."

"God you have a dreary perspective. But say _paedophile_ again!"

"... Paedophile..?"

"tehehe. Funny."

"I don't see what's so funny."

"Your awesome british accent that's what! It's awesome... Paedophile pshh. You're so cute."

"You're such a fag."

"As I said Kanda... you would know."

"..." glare of 'desssss!" (you mean death? Yethhhhh!)

"Well how do you say _paeophile _then?"

"Paedophile."

...

(Allen's pronunciation: peedophile, Lavi's pronunciation; pedophile.)

"Urgh! What ever!"

"Does that mean I win? Oh look our first caller! Yay for that! Hello hows'it?!"

"hello." A droopy, moping voice sounded through the hosts' headphones, "I don't think myspace makes you anti-social."

"Yay! Some one agrees with me cause I'm very awesomely cool! What's your name? I'll so add you!"

"Aha! You so _do _have one!"

"Count Alyster Crowley. My net name is 'the count'."

"So cool! So why don't you think myspace makes people ant-social."

"Well I go on it all the time see, cause I don't leave the house very often."

Kanda rolled his eyes and Allen grimaced.

"So myspace becomes my way of communicating with people. It's the only thing that actually keeps me social. You know?"

"But... you never leave the house?!" Allen spoke out, concerned, "that can't be healthy! A proper human interaction would be face to face, it's important to our growth and development."

Snort. "You'd think you'd be taller then sprout, since you're always in everyone's face."

"Shut up twat."

"But I can't leave the house, and I don't have a phone," Lavi looked at Kanda pointedly, "so it's my only option."

"How come you can't leave the house?"

"Because."

"... oh... alright then. Well, um thanks for your call Crowley- wait... didn't you just say you didn't have a phone...?"

".. Ah yes well I ummm... bye!"

---- The dial tone.

Lavi started to sob dramatically; "why?! In two days! Just two days! Side by side. We've been hung up on?! What is this? How can this be? Why is the world so cruelllll????"

Sigh. "Hello? Who may I ask is speaking?"

"Oho! My dear boys! I am Froi Tiedoll," the audience can here a _bam!_ As Kanda slams his head onto the desk, not raising it afterwards. "Its a pleasure to be speaking with you especially since I haven't heard from Yu in such a long time!"

There was a muffled grumble; "don't say my name old man." Emitted from the desk.

"Tiedoll... Tiedoll...? Oh! I know he's your father, right Kanda?"

"That's right. Though sadly, Yu doesn't visit me very often."

"He's _a_ father, not _my_ father."

"Yeah. Yu doesn't visit us very often either, and he lives about ten steps away!... though I'm pretty sure Allen gets nightly visits."

Both Allen and Kanda, who raised his head from its hole, glared saying together; "shut up or die!" (**A/N I just re-read book 10 XD it's one of the best!**)

"Nawww. Stop trying to hide it. But anyway, back to the father; what's your opinion on myspace and the antisocial crisis?"

"No! Don't ask him. He'll never shut up."

"Kanda! Stop being so rude!"

Chuckle. "do not worry yourself, I raised him and this is how he's always been."

"How did you survive?!"

"Not by myspace I can tell you that much," another chuckle, "back in my day we didn't have computers available in every corner shop."

"Gah! He's started to reminisce. Hang up the phone!" he was actually sounding out-of-character-ally desperate; looking almost reading to fly from the chair and hang the phone up. Instead he settle for taking off the head phones and sitting, with his eyes buried in his hand.

"But we were still a very social bunch," I think the audience begins to get an idea of how Tiedoll 'survived' raising the young Japanese man, "oho yes I remember the days. I used to _go out_ in order to socialise. Very important in those days, you could hardly call sending a letter socialising," chuckle, "but we'd go to parties, drink wine. Of course, some would go too far and do unfathomable things that I shan't digress so publicly. But I am a faithful man and think self respect, as well as respect for others and their bodies, to be very important. But my point is that in order to socialise, one must meet new people, and be able to see their expressions. Their face is something true beauty and if you cannot bare witness to the emotions that shine upon you from with in them then how can you know what they truly feel? Computers are emotionless and cannot truly _express_ the person 'speaking.' I haven't even begun discussing how dangerous it is-"

Lavi blinked uncomprehendingly a couple, whilst Allen nodded his head reverently in agreement.

"It's true! It is dangerous, you could meet _stalkers_ on their and you wouldn't even know! You could be talking to a 28 year old male, who's actually pretending to be a 20 year girl!"

Lavi looked at Allen horror struck; "who are you thinking of!?"

"And... Yes! Seeing people's faces are, ahem, also important in that aspect because umm, Lavi can you please stop looking at me like that," in a smaller voice; "it's scary."

"You're scaring me! Seriously! Just add people you know and you wont have any of these problems! Why would you add strangers onto a personal profile site thingy anyway?!"

"You were about to! Remember, quote; 'whats your name?! I'll add you." Allen put on a 'dumb' voice as if to emphasise the point.

"For once the sprout has a point."

"Yu! You can't put the headphones back on just to insult me! I'm your best friend!"

"Che."

"Oh my goodness! Mr. Tiedoll! Are you still there?!"

"Of course. It's very interesting listening to your point of views, your emotions express such quality of spirit."

A stunned silence.

"You said something about my dear Yu and Allen, has Yu found a boyfriend?"

It sounded so innocent. So natural, as though he had been expecting, and waiting for it his whole life.

"What?! No! Old man! Just. Go. Away."

Allen remained silently looking at his lap; his ears looked a little red.

"Rabbit!"

"Hmmmm?"

"Hang up the phone or I'll slice you."

"Well Mr. Tiedoll, being a father I'm sure you value life. I know I do. so I'm sorry to say but me must part now but thankyou for your lovely insight."

"No problem at all my boys, I'll take my leave. Have a wonderful evening."

"Bye now!"

Discomfort, in the suffocating form of silence.

"Kanda, how long have you been gay for?"

"AND THAT! Concludes today's talk back show," Allen suddenly looked up from his lap with a big smile plastered on his face, Lavi and Kanda just staring at him as though there was something growing from the top of his head; "we hope you enjoyed the discussion and we'll be back here tomorrow, same time, as always. Bye now."

He practically threw the headphones off and made a runner.

Lavi cleared his throat; "right, well bye! My lovely audience, so happy you like to listen to my beautiful voice, lull you homeward. Have a fun night, not too fun mind you! Bye now!"

"Che."

* * *

He wouldn't get drunk again. His head was still pounding. He needed more aspirin, and he also probably needed to stop smacking his head against the steering wheel. He didn't get it; why did he feel this way? Why were Kanda's constant outrageous cries of not guilty making his stomach cramp and his eyes wince? Of course Kanda didn't like him in that way. Why would he? Kanda barely likes anyone at all, let alone more than a friend. Wait. Why was he even considering it? Kanda was a guy! Allen had nothing against being homo; he'd never been in a relationship before so he _could_ be gay for all he knew. Suddenly he felt small and inexperienced. But he was pretty damn sure that Kanda was 100% as straight as his hair. All natural too. Or was it? Allen made a mental note in the furtherest back corner, the one that wasn't distressed, of his mind to raid Kanda's room in search of a hair straightener. Just in case.

He whacked his head once more on the steering wheel, leaving it there to rest. After leaving the studio he had run to his car and driven home. Once he arrived though, he remained in the car, seemingly incapable of opening the doors. Instead he locked all of them so no one could get in. and then proceeded to attempt cracking his head open against the steering we'll. Maybe if his brains spilled across the dash board he'd be able to see and understand what was going through his head.

"Do you think we should stop him?" Lavi whispered to Kanda. They had practically chased Allen home and, unnoticed by the emotionally challenged boy locked in his car, stood against Kanda's car watching him repeatedly beat himself up over something.

"Why?"

"Why?! Why?! So he doesn't smash his head open!"

Kanda just gave his red head friend a blank stair, "I don't think that's possible."

Looking back the youngest radio host suddenly stopped banging his head, "oh look he's stopped now. We can stop worrying."

The Asian rolled his eyes. They watched in silence for a little longer. Lavi looked as though he could have a bucket of pop corn in his hands, or maybe a bottle of beer. Kanda just looked... like he usually did, contemplative, silently annoyed at one thing or another. Suddenly Allen lifted his head, and once more brought it down on the steering wheel.

"Nope! He's still going," Lavi commentated, "ah... no he hasn't. he's stopped now."

Smirking sadistically Kanda turned to the other bystander, "you sound almost disappointed."

The red head just looked at him like he was insane; "I am! His inner turmoil and conflict is incredibly confusing. You can see all the thoughts he's shutting out, and all the ones that run back and forth. It's kinda funny cause when they get too muddled and jumbled, he shakes them up by attempting to smash his head open and tries again. It's terribly amusing."

... "che."

"I wonder if he's worked it out yet...?"

Kanda didn't want to ask. He really didn't want to ask. And he had _heaps _of valid reason not to ask; he didn't want the rabbit to actually think he was curious, god forbid that he actually _cared_ and he knew that if he asked, either he'd hear something he _really_ didn't want to hear, or that he'd never hear silence again. For this reason he didn't point out that the idiot was originally concerned about Allen smashing his head open, and now he found it _terribly amusing_. He lived, and worked, with idiots. But dammit; he knew he was going to ask, twitching as he did so; "figured what out."

"Well his inner turmoil of course!" he widened his eyes and shook his head slightly to exaggerate just how obvious this answer was, "duh! Why he feels the way he feels and lastly; that he's gay!"

Kanda made no comment. In that stupid sentence, all of the things he knew was going to happen; happened, and Lavi took his silence as an opportunity to continue;

"If you care so much, why don't you go ask him about it?"

This had no affect on the stoic man. Except, quite possibly something rather negative, and Lavi was almost hurt when Kanda just turned and walked towards his house muttering before he let; "I _don't _care!"

Dismayed the red head just stared after his friend before shouting out to him.

"Awww come on Yu! Come back and watch the show!"

The Asian snapped back around and glared hard; "He's not a fucking program!" and he slammed the door.

"You so do care." Looking back he saw Allen looking at him with owlish eyes, he had heard the out burst.

Allen was starting to sweat in the car, and it wasn't because there was no air conditioning. They had been watching the whole time! He had the distinct desire to attempt splattering his brains across the dash board, but this time for different reasons. He jumped as there was a sudden knocking on the door, he rolled down his manual windows. (old car yay!)

"Yes?"

"Do you need some help getting out? Or does your brain still function a little." Lavi smiled reassuringly at him, and the albino sighed in defeat. Unlocking his door, Lavi stepped aside to allow him to get out.

"Wanna get smashed?!" the red head gave an excited little jig at the quest, making Allen groan.

"No thanks. Wouldn't mind some aspirin though."

Lavi laughed hard at this, making Allen wince with his pounding head, and followed the shorter male inside. Allen shuffled around in his pantry for a while, looking for some relief while Lavi just talked and talked about anything that popped up in his mind; mostly Tiedoll, and Kanda and stuff... but mostly Kanda.

"He actually cares about you, you know."

Allen just shook his head as removed his body from the pantry old a box of medicine; "I don't think so Lavi."

"He just doesn't open up, you have to open up to him."

Swallowing the pills, the beansprout looked at his friend with an eye brow raised; what do you..." he stopped short as Lavi stood up, turned around and pointed, smiling like an idiot, at his arse. Opening a drawer he threw a spoon at the rabbit; "fuck you! No! ew! Gross! How can you-? Gah!!!"

"BAHAHAHAHA! You are SO conjuring up mental images right now. Let me help you; long black hair, sweaty, he's on top of you-"

"stop!"

"pumping, uh uh-"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD LAVI STOP! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!!!" and he ran to another room, hands cemented over his ears. But the offender had a loud voice as he followed the innocent relentlessly around the house, shouting obscenities at him. Damned if the neighbours could hear. And if Kanda hadn't been conveniently listening to angry music on his iPod at that time, god knows what he would have done to the two.

"POKER!" Allen suddenly shouted, making Lavi stop in his tracks. The white haired boy looked frantically about him until he pounced onto the coffee table and holding a deck of cards above him in offer to higher beings, ran from the house like the devil himself were after him. Lavi, looking about him as though he didn't know where he was, followed, confusedly, after his friend who had run into the house of their very subject matter.

Kanda used all his will power to not jump up from the couch as the front door to his house was slammed open, with a panting Allen, who was looking anywhere but him, stading in the doorway, with a furious red face.

"What?"

"Ah... we're going to play poker. At a pub... now. Right now. Yep. You me and Lavi and I'll ask Lena but yeah... you're coming."

"Why?" he glared, no one told him what to do. And what was the kid's problem anyway, the ceiling isn't all that spectacular!

"... because." He made brief eye contact before looking quickly away as though he had seen a ghost.

"But Allennnnn," a whiny voice came, bodiless, from outside; "you're gonna make us play poker tomorrow night as well! And you always win!"

"No! I promise," he seemed almost desperate, " I won't make you play tomorrow night, we can play twister! Or what ever, but we're going to the pub now!"

"Che. No. I have some assignments to finish." He growled as he dropped himself back onto the sofa.

Lavi impersonated a gold fish as he gaped at Kanda; "tomorrow is your last day! How much homework can you possibly have?!"

Kanda said nothing as he glared over his shoulder at the two annoyances in the doorway.

"Come on Yu! We won't go for too long! You can do it later."

"Why?"

"Cause Allen asked _oh so nicely!_"

He snorted.

"I just need to take my mind off some things okay?"

There was a contemplative silence as Allen's two closest friend stared at him as he whispered those words to the floor. Kanda eventually rolled his eyes and stood, throwing his iPod to the side of the couch.

"Che. Fine whatever."

Allen finally looked him in the eye, but thankfully, _thankfully_, no mental images attacked his innocence, and smiled a small, grateful smile.

He really did care.

After grabbing his coat and shoving the smallest radio host out of his house, Kanda muttered forcefully; "but you are _not _getting drunk again!"

End capitolo cinque

**A/N yays! A post! Does dance. rararar I love this place so much, and all the people in it!!! ****Va bene, allora Il cattivo: okay... ****I have a distinct feeling that I will receive angry reviews... if any. I'm sorry! I'm sorry its shorter! I'm sorry its not funny! I'm sorry it suddenly went angst! It just happened... but it's hard to be comical all the time so it's sort of a mellow break for you all. Kanda's character is changing a fair bit. He's a lot less aggressive now (did you notice? Is it a good change?) and I'm trying to cut back on the swearing. I'm actually swearing all the time myself now... keep getting in trouble at school.**

**But yeah, if you review please be... respectfully honest. Nah just kidding! Be brutal! I think I need it. Ermmm but I hope you liked it. It's still my favourite fic to write! XD so thankyou to all my reviewers and alerters and favouriters!!! You mean so much to me so I really hope I haven't let you down! Xx**

**Please review XD**

**p.s. i really didnt know how to do tiedoll... so; sorry if he's whach!**


	6. the pub

**The pub**

"Royal straight flush!" he cried with glee, "take that!" and he scooped the shot glasses in the centre of the table towards himself. Having decided that none of them wanted to lose money to the annoying white haired poker genius; Lavi had suggested that they bet with shots instead. Much to Kanda's dismay. He thought maybe Allen would be sensible for once but _noooo_. The kid drank every round he one, too much, too many wins; he was getting a big head and a bloated liver.

"Sprout," he interjected, stopping Allen from taking his first drink... of that round; "stop now before you give yourself a one-way ticket to the hospital."

"'m fine Kanda!" he swayed as he shook his head across the table.

Kanda just glared at him hard and snatched the small glasses from his hands, he'd already one three rounds; therefore the night had only started- you do the calculations.

"No you're not. And we're not playing with fucking shooters anymore." He shifted his glare onto a certain rabbit, who nearly choked on his beer.

"Awww but Yu! Allen will turn our wallets into deserts!"

Allen looked down at the empty space between his hands, and then up as Kanda shot the alcohol within seconds. They had agreed to not let Allen buy any drinks, but they were still damn stupid for letting him win them.

"Let's bet with food then!!!"

Kanda almost face palmed, but then it suddenly occurred to him; that could almost be a good idea, at least if they had heaps of garlic bread then if Allen kept winning, he'd at least sober up. When nobody said anything the Asian called a waiter over and ordered lots of garlic bread, taking the 12 empty shot glasses as he did. Allen began shuffling the deck with his eyes closed; to lazy to keep them open.

"So how come Lena-lady couldn't come?" Lavi asked, trying to strike up conversation to break their silence. The other two had been acting so strange lately. Well not so much Kanda, but Allen had been rather distant with everyone. Lavi couldn't figure it out. Alas Kanda was just Kanda; emotionally stressed, stick up his arse, sexually frustrated; the usual. And for once it was started to shine through; after the previous night he had become an absolute mother hen to Allen; not letting him drink, and taking him out to play a game that Kanda didn't even like, remotely, just so he could help him. But it wasn't only this; Kanda was gonna get drunk. You could see it, he wanted to. He'd had a beer and those three shots already, and they'd only played three rounds of poker, and the way he kept looking at his glass.

Opening one eye to look at his friend, Allen said, whilst looking quite sinister actually; "cause she's gotta a _date!_"

This time Lavi actually did choke. "what?! A date with who?! When? why?" he stood and looked around feverishly as though she was expected to go to that very pub on a date, he suddenly looked back down at Allen outrageously; "why are we here?!"

"Sit down idiot!" Kanda hissed at him. the rabbit obeyed the snake of doooooom.

Allen smiled to himself as he re-closed his eye and continued shuffling; "only kidding. She's grounded." Giggle.

More giggles, both he and Lavi burst out laughing, slamming their fists on the tables while Kanda just stared at them and ordered another beer.

"Are you from Syria?" (1)

"Haha! Yes!!" he wipes a tear from his crinkled eye, giving another chuckle; "Komui was really upset that she cut off her hair so he's not letting her go out."

Another volcanic eruption of laughter. Kanda just snorted; if there was anything to laugh about it was these two idiots. Looking around the pub he could see their odd trio getting quite a few stares, though it was still early evening so the pub wasn't overly busy yet. Finally the garlic bread arrived and Allen dealt out the cards, some what haphazardly.

After a few games Kanda's eye began to twitch.

"I feel so sick!" Lavi whined as he took another bite of garlic bread; "whose idea was this? It's no fun playing with this bread, and it's gone cold now too!" he flung the offending food back into its basket in disgust. Why was Allen losing? Seriously. Kanda wanted to kill, hurt maim or destroy something, anything. The idiot sprout was playing with his eyes closed, how could nine shooters make him this tipsy?! Oh... nine shooters... shit. Now not only was Lavi completely, annoyingly sober, but he was also whingy. Why did Kanda's life suck so much.

"Waiter!" he called over a tired looking teen, "beer, two pints."

"Threeeee!"

"Just two." He glared at the waiter, pointedly ignoring the white head behind him.

"Kannndaaaaa! I wan' one toooo!" he leaned across table as the waiter walked away confused. A pale hand wrapped itself around Kanda's muscled arm and Allen began to rub his head up and down it like a cat. Kanda tried to pull away but found he truly had a growth on his arm.

"Beansprout! Get the fuck off me!"

"Bu' I don' wanna!" he whined, looking up with teary eyes.

"Nawww how can you say no to that face Yu? Why don't you just take him out back and rape him?" this sentence made the Asian jump, although Allen continued to stare straight up at him.

"What the fuck?! Would you stop saying that shit?! You're so annoying" he glared hard at Lavi and then switched it to the growth on his arm, becoming the grim reaper himself; "and _you!_ Get. Off. Now."

Allen only hugged him tighter squealing; "noooo! I don' wanna. Yu're zo warmmm and ztuvv." And began to rub his arm with his white hair again.

The waiter reappeared, and the idiot was carrying three beers, Kanda growled causing Allen to look up and scream in delight, clapping his hands.

Before the Asian could stop him , Allen snatched a pint from the tray and began skulling the amber liquid.

"Whoa shiz. Yu look at him go."

"Che. Idiot." He quite honestly couldn't be bothered looking after the idiot anymore, he wasn't his mother. He had tried to help, and where had that gotten him? So pointless. So; in order to get some form of enjoyment out of the night he picked up his own pint, and after the 20 year old had finished, sighing triumphantly as he did so, Kanda dumped his pint of beer on the other's head. He couldn't help it, the shocked dripping face, with the rosy drunken cheeks actually made him smile. The beansprout, who now had brown hair, tensed very suddenly at the cold dripping through his hair. Eyes wide, and mouth gaping in a silent scream of shock, he turned slowly to face his smiling offender. He was very much sober now, it was sooo cold! But seeing Kanda actually smile stopped the onslaught of angry insults flowing like poison from his mouth. Kanda was smiling, Kanda was _smiling_!

He suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to throw up.

Jumping up from his chair he pelted for the bathroom, earning a wave of laughter to spread through the pub, a few cat calls, wolf whistles and cheers also followed. It's not every day you see a beer drenched young boy running, or swaying, drunkenly through a pub.

Kanda almost laughed, but hid his growing smile by drinking Lavi's beer.

"Hey!"

"Che!" he gave a grateful sigh as he finished the glass almost as fast as Allen, "let's just go home now."

Lavi just stared at him in absolute horror; "how do you guys do that!?"

The Asian just rolled his eyes and shrugged the other off. Looked like Lavi was driving that night.

"I'll go see if the beansprout is still breathing."

"okay but if I hear any screaming, I'm gonna come in and stop you from being indecent in public; that stuff's for the bed room!" he winked and Kanda whirled around, almost strangling the red head.

"And if I hear any of that shit again I'm going to hang you by you neck from a fan!"

Lavi winced and went to pay the bills. Sighing as he did so, those two owed him big time!

Kanda walked through the pub adamantly, though apathy was scrawled all over his face. He received no cat calls. Poor guy. Walking into the pristine, disgusting, yellow coloured air of the bathrooms, he was surprisingly, not shocked to find Allen drowning himself in the basin.

He gave a cross between a snort and a huff; "beansprout, what are you doing?"

He looked up suddenly, with dripping wet hair, no longer brown, and incredibly wide eyes that could make saucepans duck for cover, no a wok! He backed away slightly, raising his hands in an awkward defence; "'m no' drunk! 'm sober. Swear!" he practically screamed at Kanda's indifferent face. Feeling slightly humorous Kanda decided to take a step forward, just to see how much he could intimidate the other.

The right foot made an almost silent squeak as it reconnected with the floor. Allen was automatically attempting to push himself through the porcelain tile wall.

"ple'z don' hurt meh!"

At that moment some dickhead, unknown to the odd pair already in the bathroom decided to waltz in with a wave; "zup guyz!"

Allen screamed, blood curdling and terribly girly, jerking backwards and successfully whacking his head n the wall. His scream stopped instantly, and Kanda watched as his eyes curled backwards.

Inevitably fainting on the spot.

Or maybe he had concussion from hitting his head. Whatever, Kanda just rolled his- yet again- and gave an irritated sigh, looking over his shoulder at the now shocked dickhead. He glared and pointed to a cubicle, not a urinal, he would not have anyone watch what he was about to do.

"Go. Now. Do your business"

The dickhead gave a squeak and hurried into the cubicle. The Asian rubbed his face dramatically as he stepped towards the seemingly lifeless body on the cold, wet floor.

_There is no way I'm carrying him bridal._

With this thought, he grabbed the younger male around his waist and hoisted him, dripping wet, over his shoulder, and stalked out of the bathrooms.

Dammit. For some very odd reason, Kanda had forgotten that the pub was full of arseholes watching him carry an unconscious bean over his shoulder. He was this (squints, pinching fingers slightly) close to dropping the kid right there. Instead he feigned indifference marching through the raucous bar towards his gawping red head friend.

"_What?!" _he snapped.

Lavi stumbled over his tongue before finally blurting out; "I would understand if he couldn't walk! But you freaking killed him!"

I think the pub, having turned silent at this outburst, understood (somehow in their drunken states) the implication of what the one eyed red head had said as they all stared on at the eye twitching Yu Kanda, with horrified facial expressions.

* * *

End night.

End stress relief.

End crack.

End life of Lavi.

End filler.

End chap.

**(1) from Syria: serious**

**A/N sorry if that's weird... I thought it was weird. Shows my mood though... weird. Kind sadistic too. This is what I'm like when I'm angry I go slightly insane and the world sort of goes out of whack and I generally laugh evilly at things. Basically when I'm angry, if I'm not yelling screaming and biting people, I look like I'm on drugs. Sigh life is bliss.**

**Dearest ****whispery path,**** thankyou so much for your support! Haunted should hopefully be only 1 week away XD I'm excited!!! Thankyou for the reminders**

**Thankyou everyone for my wonderful reviews, sorry I haven't replied; my emails being a shit head... 'scuse my ...erm... French cough.**

**Note to self must cut back on swearing.**

**Well hope you enjoyed the crack filler. Xxx. Kisses to you. **

**(not angry no more, extremely cuddly!) please review, if you feel like it. wouldnt mind some kisses X3 teehee**


	7. friday tension

**Friday**

"Woooo! It be-eth Friday, Praise the lord. Good evening or afternoon, or day to keep it simple, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, hermaphrodites, Al do you know how to spell that?"

"Umm h, o-"

"Wrong! Infants of no description, grannies and grandpas and ummm pets! Welcome to 907fm with your favourite hosts, yours truly, and the other two. They're not really worth mentioning."

"Hey!"

"Dee-dub Al buddy, dee-dub, they know who you are. Kanda...?"

...

"Kanda?"

...

"kannnnnndaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

"_What?!_"

"Just making sure you weren't asleep."

Some grumbling can be heard faintly... it sounds... like Allen.

"Are you guys fighting?"

"Che."

"...a lover's tiff?"

"What?! No! Lavi please stop with the gay jokes now, it's awfully embarrassing. On public radio as well. I'm a good Christian, I follow the law of the holy lord."

"There's a law against being homosexual?"

"Yes Kanda, jeez! Do you live in a hole? People were put on this earth to procreate, _to procreate._ Men can't have babies so if two males have... engage in intercourse-"

"Bless you Allen, you're so innocent."

"They can't reproduce, and therefore they're going against the word of God."

"Tch. And what, exactly is the word of God?"

"Holy Mary, mother of Jesus and Joseph! To _procreate_, to live in peace, and to love and serve the lord!"

"But Al buddy, if the big man says that we have to live in peace, and to love one another and all that... stuff, shouldn't we be able to accept the gay people? And, and, shouldn't our father, who art in heaven, support us, I mean we can't help falling in love, right Kanda?"

"Why are you asking me?!"

"So what if a man falls in love with another man? Better to find love somewhere, than to live without?"

"Well... I mean, I guess. It's not really about 'falling in love' as such, it's more treating everyone as equal-"

"So if a fag gets bashed in the streets, that's treating others as equal? Do homos get a spot in your heaven beansprout?"

"Yes! Heaven is for everyone. Why are you guys getting mad at me? I didn't make these decisions!"

"Because this shit is spewing from _your _mouth."

"We're just saying Al, you don't need to be a fundamentalist-"

"But I'm not-"

"You don't have to do everything they tell you. If you fall in love, that's it; no rules allowed."

"But I am _not_ in love with _him_!"

"Can we change the f-beeeeeeeeeeep topic now?! You're both so annoying!"

"Sure we can Yu!"

"I hate you."

There was a pause as the hosts all thought hard about what to say. Except Allen, he was sulking.

"Why don't we talk about last night? That sure was interesti-"

"_No!_" two voices yelled together, deafening the poor audience. Now this was definitely suspicious.

"Don't we have a question to talk about or something?" the small voice of Allen came through the speakers.

"Ah... I guess. Jeez Al you're so boring! Alright, who's seen Dragon Ball, or Dragon Ball Z, or Dragon Ball GT? Raise your hands! Excellent, I think I have successfully created several car crashes around the metro area."

Insert evil laughter here.

The laughter continues... honestly how can someone hold that much air in their lungs?!?!

"Lavi!! Let go of that god forsaken button!!!"

The laughter ceases immediately, "Les Gasp-eth! Blasphemy!"

"Shut_ up!_"

"I used to watch Dragon Ball Z."

A shock silence follows as everyone, listeners and hosts, realise that it is the infamously stoic Yu Kanda who has stated this comment.

A growl, "what?!"

"Nothing... I just thought. Well I never thought of you as the TV watching type... I guess."

"Well then you shouldn't think too much because it will hurt your miniscule brain, which is about the size of your dick!"

...

...

What

...

The

...

Fuck...?

...

"What!?"

"Did you just say something penis relat-"

"Rabbit! Ask the god damn question already!"

"AHHHH! I'm surrounded by blasphemers. Back off, stay away, I tell you, stay away."

"Lavi please-"

"The power of Christ compels you!"

"Urgh. You're such a nuisance."

"Allll-righty then today's question. Believe it or not is actually related to Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT," there is the sound of a face palm, "no seriously. You know the new movie, Dragon Ball Evolution, put your hands up if you've seen _that?!"_

A pause

"Yay! More crashes"

Evil laughter

"Lavi. No. Stop it right now!"

"Eep! Sorry Al," Lavi's voice turns to a whisper, "he's scary!"

"I can still hear you, you know."

"Ahhhh! Demon in disguise! Get away from me you fiend."

"Rabbit if you do not shut up within 2 seconds I will shut you up."

There is not a sound of even a movement. Tumbleweed bounces past.

"God dammit! Say the question!"

"But, but, but you said I had to shut up."

"Look who's being a fundamentalist _now_." Allen can be heard mumbling.

"Do you find Kanda godly?"

"What?! Know! Eww!... ew! Who would ever worship this jerk?"

"Both of you. Will die. In your sleep. Tonight. If you do not. Shut. Up!"

...

"If you have seen the new Dragon Ball movie we would like to know your opinions on it in comparison to the anime." The words were spoken so hastily it would be a miracle if any of the listeners understood.

"Erm... Call 1300 558 967 and give us your opinion."

"Does any one here have an opinion? Allen? Y-Kanda?"

"Che. As if any of us have the time."

"Hmmm no. I haven't seen it. But I thought it looked a little preposterous."

"Of course you don't have the time. You've been spending all of your spare time off your face."

"Hey! That's true. Al do you remember _anything _from last night?"

"Why must you constantly dredge up things from the past? But yes, I do remember _everything_ from last night."

"Even what happened in the bathroom...?" Lavi had suspicion oozing through his words, and from the corner of his eye Allen could Kanda's face burning up and threatening to split in two.

"The bathroom...? What? Bath-" he suddenly turned to the Asian his voice turning to a shriek; "_what did you do to me?!?!"_

"I didn't do anything idiot."

Allen had curled up into a ball rocking in his chair, "no no no. too young, I'm too young for this, it didn't happen, it didn't happen."

"Put a sock in it sprout, 'it didn't happen' because _nothing happened!"_

"Put it this way Al. does your but hurt?"

He stopped rocking immediately looking up with a face of pure terror and giving a very, _very_ unmanly scream; "_what?!!??!?!?!?!_"

"Hello! This is Lavi, and you are on 907fm what's your name?"

Allen's wide, horror-filled eyes flicked between the two other hosts, Lavi just grinned evilly, while Kanda glared at the little red sign that said 'on air.'

"Hi!!!" a loud voice, yelled through the phone speakers, "I'm Timothy! I totally saw the new Dragon Ball movie and it sucked! I had to go see it with all the other kids, they're so annoying. It sucked almost as much as you guys suck."

"Uhh, that's not very ni-"

"I mean I watched the anime series, and that was ok. I guess. But then the other kids started watching it too, and they were all like 'oh my god! Dragon Ball this and Dragon Ball that.' It really pissed me off."

"What a f-beeeeeeep brat! Just because other kids like it doesn't mean it's shit you little punk."

"Who're you calling a punk huh?!"

"You, you spoiled shit. How old are you like 6?"

"Kanda please don't fight with our guests."

"Be quiet virgin God freak. I bet you've never lived in an orphanage where they shove bibles down your throat. You sound like such fag, seriously go get laid."

Like... what the hell. That was what each and every host had written all over their faces. Though Lavi was clearly finding the whole situation rather funny.

"Wonderful. You didn't like the movie. Isn't it like your bed time now? Go suck your thumb somewhere else."

Allen just sighed; Kanda was venting, there was no hope.

"Damn straight I didn't like the movie. It was crap. Why does everything have to be about love anyway? Dragon Ball is about fighting and-"

A voice is heard in the background behind the voice on the phone; "Timothy! Timothy? Where are you? Timothy, what are you doing? Did you take Luke's model aeroplane set again? Is that- are you on _the phone?!?!_"

"Shit."

"Give it to me this instant young man! And go see mother, she will have something to say about this. Good Lord! (You can imagine her doing the sign of the cross :P ) is that a radio?!-"

The phone is cut off.

Lavi burst out laughing, "bahahahaha that was priceless! Perfect! Hahaha."

"No it wasn't Lavi, he lives in an orphanage, that means he hasn't got parents-"

"Oh save it sprout. Have a pity party some other time."

"You. Are. Such an arse."

"I sense I severely tense atmosphere. Can you two bitches stop bitching at each other for a little while so that we can do our job? Just admit to yourselves that you're gay, get over your inner turmoil and go make out in a corner. Seriously your killing me, and even that Tim kid could tell Allen was gay, and Kanda... anyone could tell just from looking at you lollypop stature."

"Can I kill him?"

"Not before me."

"Lavi! I am not GAY!!!"

"You can't kill him with your loud Girlish voice idiot sprout!"

"Oh look another phone call."

"HIEEEEE!"

"...road?"

"Oh my gosh Allen! I'm so happy you recognised my voice!"

"Do you recognise mine?"

He almost groaned, "Yes Tyki."

A chuckle was heard.

"Well Allen Tyki and I haven't seen the new movie, but if you want to, we go see it together!? Then we can organise another date!" Kanda looked like he was about to throw up...

"We'll talk about it on Sunday Road. Bye!" Allen said hurriedly, signally to Lavi to hang it up. Which he thankfully did before the cousins could protest.

"They are so stalking you."

Allen whimpered, and Kanda actually laughed. No wait, that was a snicker, sorry.

There was a rapid tapping on the window and Link was waving his watch furiously at them.

"Shoot! Sorry folks! We're running over time," he shouted louder; "thanks Link!" said co-ordinator face palmed, "so we best say good bye to our nutty audience. Cause you guys seriously are insane, like as crazy as these two are gay. It's incredible."

"I am not even going comment on that. Goodnight!"

"When we get into the car park. Your dead, I'm saying your bones will no longer exist, your blood will spill from holes that you didn't know exist, and you spinal cord will be choking you so hard that you wont even remember what it's like to breathe."

"Alright," Lavi squeaked, "goodnight folks."

* * *

"Incoming!" loaves upon loaves of bread were thrown, from an unseen force, into the trolley. Kanda was pushing the trolley, and he was death in the shopping mart. Isles cleared before him, babies began to cry just from looking at his face, bananas shattered and chocolate melted into puddles on the floor and, well I think you get the idea. He was pissed. Not only did he get stuck with pushing the food cart this shopping trip, but he had already been pissed before their arrival. The bloody Rabbit had escaped his wrath, yet again god dammit, all thanks to that piss annoying Bean.

The bean. Yes, he would pay dearly. Kanda hoped he wouldn't see the light of day again, the thought managed to tug a small, very, _very_ small, smile to his lips. Until a loaf hit him in the face.

"Fuck!"

"Gosh, they're pretty soft you know." Allen came strolling casually out of the bread isle, with some bottles of cordial, which he dumped, a pout on his face, into the trolley, "and besides I did warn you, what were you day dreaming about anyway?"

_Killing you in your sleep. More specifically, watching you til the clock struck 12:02 and then tying you up, gagging your big mouth and the slitting you throat while you stare at me with you big wintry eyes..._

That last bit sounded a bit odd. But he didn't say it out loud, he didn't feel like explaining to the food store staff why a fully grown, well age-wise, male had wet the floor, instead he settled for his all time 'awkward situation saver'; "che."

A sigh, "whatever."

"Hey guys! Do you fell like chicken tonight?!" Lavi called to them from the other side of the store, catching far too many people's attention. The other customers didn't run away in fear because, for reasons unknown, Kanda wasn't looking as scary. For the moment. "I just thought maybe it would be nice to do something different you know?!?!"

"Yeah whatever Lavi! Do what you want!" Allen yelled back to him, ignoring the outrageous stares.

"If I did what I wanted, you wouldn't be a virgin!"

The whole store froze, except for Lavi who tried to retake the attention of the deli-worker to get his meat. Kanda was suddenly glaring and very angry again, and the shoppers all backed away fearfully. And the albino, well he looked like he was going to faint, "get a grip idiot, he's fucking joking."

Allen whispered back nervously, "Are you absolutely positive about that?"

"Tch. He's got it for Lenalee anyway, so you're theoretically safe."

"What's 'it'?"

"Urgh."

The Asian was punched in the arm playfully, "I'm kidding. But theoretically, that's a big word. Where did you learn it?"

"Don't make me hurt you."

Allen was stumped. Was that even a real threat? It sounded almost... he didn't know. But weird all the same, that was something completely new, wow, a night of new things; chicken instead of steak and Kanda trying a new threat out on his tongue.

"We," he tried again, still confused at what had just transgressed, Kanda gave him a look from the corner from his eye, "we should hurry to get home, Lena might be waiting for us."

"Well she wouldn't be, if you hadn't been such an idiot yesterday, running off home to beat your head against a steering wheel, and then gone and got yourself drunk. _Again_."

The albino blushed slightly, but he couldn't let Kanda get the better of him, "I thought we agreed to not talk about that!" he hissed. Wow great come back, Kanda one, Allen zero.

"Che. You decided it, cause you're so fucking paranoid. Not everybody wants to get down your pants you know."

The smaller male visibly shivered, "I wouldn't be so sure about that," he glanced around as though some rapist were lurking behind a corner; waiting for the perfect opportunity. Kanda suddenly had an image of a dishevelled Allen, walking late into work one morning, pass through his mind and he frowned.

"Okay you really are an idiotic, paranoid, stupid, annoying, freakish se- faggot, and that just proves it."

"You sure are talkative today," Allen scowled in reply as they lined up at the counter. Lavi was trotting over with some chicken in his hands, when he arrived the odd pair were awkwardly quiet and Lavi had the distinct urge to runaway!

But he didn't and so they were all driving home, in separate cars as the not-so-environmentally-friendly radio hosts usually did. And the awkward silence stretched right through the air and aluminium. A strained tension had been beating into them. Something was going to happen.

And then again maybe not. Lenalee was waiting for them with confusion spelled out on her face. But when she saw the three cars she smiled and waved at her favourite boys.

"Lenalee Lee my lady! You have escaped-eth the evil dungeons of thine demon brother whom dared-eth to confine thee to solitude because of a minor snippeth of thine glorious hair. How did thee manage freedom?"

She laughed to the sky, playing her part in this dramatic performance, "oh 'twas easy my charming red. I simply used my sweet voice," Lavi looked like he was about to drown in his drool because of the sexiness emanating from the Lee sister. Oh he was gone, "to spell him into submission and-" Lavi shook his head, waking himself up and called back to the other Asian;

"See Kanda! That's what you have to do! Make your voice sweet," Kanda slammed his house's door on everyone. Leaving Allen with all the shopping; he wasn't doing too well either mind you, "to bend him... into submission."

Allen fell over from the weight of the food.

"But it's great that you got free milady!"

"Haha yeah sure is! Is there something more wrong than usual with Kanda?"

The red head gave a slight chuckle as the two watched the youngest of the quartet continue his struggles with the shopping bags of evilness. "No he's just reaching the peak of his inner turmoil."

She gave him a slightly confused look, and he elaborated in one of his annoying Lavi-around-about ways; "I'd give it one more week."

"A-huh." She finally stepped forward, taking pity on her struggling friend and started dragging the bags into the house, "come on lets cook something, I'm starving."

Lavi screamed in outrage; "What?!?! You mean that devil didn't feed you!"

She said nothing, settling for giving him a light punch on the upper arm.

_Urgh_! Allen couldn't stand it; he had been watching Lavi and baby Lee prepare the dinner together for twenty minutes now. He wanted to throw up. The endless flirting, so obviously too. It was hard to tell if they were being serious, the casual bump of the hip, which was starting to happen way too frequently, and the devilish tip of the head to suggest an innuendo to a comment. Ahh kill him now! Where was Kanda when you needed him? Speaking of the idiot, what was his problem lately? Allen was sure the Asian suffered from too much oestrogen, because he was going through PMS right now. It was hard to keep up with that guy, he was just so secluded, within himself. Stupid shell.

"You perv!" Lenalee squealed, as Lavi tried to go for a grope, they were both joking, Allen rolled his eyes. Why didn't they just ask each other out yet? Enough with the public displays of flirtation, not that PDOA would be any better but still... he took a sip of extra sweet cordial.

Kanda's revenge. After Lavi had successfully pissed him off with all the comments about last night Kanda had forcefully, with a very scary face, stopped them from buying booze to enjoy their Friday night with. No alcohol til next week; cordial or water only. (He said Allen wasn't allowed juice because that substance makes little boys wet their beds.) It made him look forward to Sunday, just a little bit. Somehow he had got it into his mind that he would be drinking wine on their 'date' and if he wasn't then he would... okay he probably wouldn't do anything, but that family had better not be as insane as they, so far, appeared to be.

He sighed into his cordial, Lenalee's turn to tease; leaning towards Lavi slightly, pouting as she asked him, 'oh-so sweetly' to get her the cheese from the fridge. The red head ran away to do his errand very quickly, but Allen didn't fail to notice the blood dripping from his nose. Lenalee chuckled as the albino just shook his head in dismay, they couldn't possibly be more insane than his friends right? Right?

He suddenly slammed his head on the outdoor table, groaning. He just remembered, they'd gone to play poker last night so he wasn't allowed to play tonight.

They were stuck with _scrabble_.

* * *

_fin._

**A/N first up: I'm not a fundamentalist. I'm not a fundamentalist. I'm not a fundamentalist! No quite serious I'm at least agnostic, if not complete atheist. I just find religion a sadistically fascinating subject. I hope I haven't offended anyone. I really don't mean to, we've all got our beliefs (please don't hurt me!)**

**Second: the lollypop comment I actually stole from someone else's fanfic, it's not word for word, but some one used it to describe Neji hehe. A lollypop, a stick up your arse, get it? Anyway... there was something else. Oh yeah Lena would be waiting because they usually do their shopping on Thursday but they'd gone out to get drunk instead. Sorry for the long note. Hope you liked it!!!**

**Please review**


	8. the weekend Pteronophobia

**The weekend -**** Pteronophobia**

**Saturday**

Sleep in. A sweet, sweet sleep in. just what Allen Walker needed on this fine Saturday, alas he woke up at 8:47. And god forbid he didn't have a hangover. He had to admit to himself that it felt pretty damn good actually. He opened his eyes with out the sun burning holes straight into his brain and cause a severe explosion that normal people would a 'headache'. Not to mention that his stomach wasn't threatening to lurch forth from his teeth and run away. No instead his morning went something like this.

_Tap._

_Tap tap._

_Tap tap tap tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap!_

"Okay! Jesus!" he looked around him, covers thrown off, showing slender pale legs, with crinkled boxer shorts with smiley faces all over them,. That's all he wanted to see in the mornings, a lovely smile; hence why he never looked in the mirror first thing, or visited Kanda for that matter. He glanced at the clock face to his right, taking a few minutes to discern the time. 8... 8: forty something. Sweet Jesus! Why was he awake?! The pale face turned sharply to the window, which wasn't only lit up by the onslaught bright sun but also the smiling face of nightmares.

He very quickly changed his mind, though not his boxers, the last thing he wanted to see first thing in the morning was a fucking smile. _Especially_ if it was Lavi's. he groan and dragged his fingers through his face, pulling his skin tight. As the repulsive tapping began again he finally complied to flop his legs over the side of the bed. Using his excruciatingly tired leg muscles to hold him, and falling face first on the floor. He swore he could hear some distorted laughing.

Damn low blood pressure, his carpet was so tempting too, clearly Kanda's cordial idea of cordial was not so cordial. Too much sugar the night before, too dizzy the morning after; he may as well be hung-over if this was what he got. He groan again and made himself comfortable on his not so soft grey carpet. But goddam that carpet!

He forced himself to his feet and stumbled to the window, slamming it open.

"_What?!_" he yelled, arms still upraised with the glass above him.

Lavi looked half scared and half ready to wet himself from holding in some laughter. "Dude, this is worse than when you're hung-over!"

Exactly what Allen was just thinking. But now he could see his friend properly, and he really wished he couldn't. Lavi had to be standing amongst the bushes to be at Allen's window, twigs stuck in his unruly hair, and he was actually holding his arm up to stop a branch from slapping his face. Lavi stood there, amongst bugs, sticks and leaves, geared up in gym shorts, with a polo shirt, visor (hair sticking up in it's usual flame through the hole) a tennis racket thrown over his shoulder, and obviously he had eaten the sun for breakfast so he wearing that in his mouth too. Al was just about to slam the window back down and crawl back into his warm den, but thinking it over; it was probably cold already. Damn.

"but anyway man, I like woke up early and I really felt like playing tennis," he waved the racket for emphasis, "so I thought I'd come over and ask you since I don't even wanna _know _what Kanda does with his mornings."

Allen squinted slightly; trying to keep up with Lavi's fast pace talking, "it's too early Lavi. I don't know what you're talking about."

"I want to play tennis!!!" he yelled into Allen's face.

Stumbling away from the window, he waved his friends morning breath away; "whatever. Just go to the front, it's probably unlocked."

His red haired friend gave him a look for that but began to whine, "can't I just climb through your window? I'm right here!"

"Okay, okay. Whatever just, you know, 'inside voice' or mm."

Lavi spluttered at the elementary term for 'shut up' but callously climbed through the opened portal, Allen was heading towards the bathroom.

"Say Al-" Lavi attempted to follow the scarred boy into his bathroom but found a door slammed in his face. He chuckled; definitely not a morning person. His friend still hadn't given him an answer so Lavi didn't know whether he would actually get his desired game of tennis. The gentleman's sport. He waited outside the door for a bit as Al freshened himself up. After about five minutes of foot tapping and tuneless impromptu whistling, Allen emerged from the watery cave, once again Lavi tried to speak to him but he just turned around, told him to 'shush' and pushed him out the door demanding coffee.

Still whistling aimlessly Lavi successfully made two coffees; he figured he may as well have another one. Allen eventually walked down the hall, in different clothes but still looking ruffled. Starting the morning as though he and Lavi hadn't seen each other yet.

"Mornin'" a yawn followed and he gave a long stretch.

"Haha good morning Al buddy! How was your night?" Lavi handed him a mug, which the tired boy accepted gratefully, taking an appreciating sip before answering.

"Horrible. I vote never drinking cordial again, that stuff is just, urgh. Too much."

Lavi laughed in agreement and stepped out of the kitchen so that Allen could begin his feast, of Lavi knew only too well. A large soup bowl, with a small plate as well as a dinner plate came out first, then the usual; cereal boxes four pieces of toast, six eggs, four slices of bacon two hash browns, and the spreads and milk.

"Oh Al! Don't worry about cooking for me, I already ate."

He heard a mumbled 'okay.' But nothing more, Lavi dropped himself onto a stool, how boring, Allen wouldn't be any fun until he had food in him; what was this? Truth be told Lavi really didn't know how much sleep he had gotten last night, presumably none. It wasn't because his insomnia had kicked in again, no, a little something, that he wasn't ready to tell his two best friends about yet, had been nagging at his brain cells all night, preventing the access to dreamland. This Sunday their little Asian buddy was gonna be all alone because Allen wasn't the only one with a date. Lavi was so close to falling into an outrageous fit of laughter at any moment, he was so freaking happy. A date! He had a date! And not just _any _date! But one with the oh so gorgeous Lena Lee! He'd been crushing on her since he met her, putting a stop to his playboy days, well almost; he'd never let go of his pick up lines, whether or not they worked.

Allen didn't bother with washing the dishes; merely dumping them in a pile on the bench, and after commenting on Lavi's 'creepy smile' the two headed to the tennis courts around the corner. Lavi had a spare racquet for Allen, and plenty of balls. They started with some gentle warm ups before getting into some evenly scored matches. The red head spoke for the two of them, Allen focusing on the challenge of winning.

"Haha! Take that! I totally kicked your arse!" Allen whooped, jumping into the air. Lavi smiled, like he normally did.

"Pfft! You know I let you, your face was so concentrated I thought you were constipated or something."

"Haha very funny," Lavi received a punch in the arm, "just admit I won!"

The loser seemed to be genuinely thinking this over, "I'm not sure you did Al. the scores were pretty close and I'm pretty sure some of your calls were off. Like that ace you called, I'm pretty sure that was let."

"What?!" Allen stopped to stare at his friend, "how can you even remember that. And besides you let it go at the time you can't bring it up now! I won fair and square. You're just a sore loser."

Lavi was in the mood now Allen was getting riled up, too much fun, "hmmm no I'm pretty sure I did. Yeah sorry buddy you lost."

Snap, our split personalitied Walker switched to ultra stubborn; "nuh-uh. No you didn't I won. You even said so before!"

"No I didn't"

"Yes you did"

"No I didn't"

"_Yes you did!_" he shrieked at his friend, making Lavi laugh as he lunged at Allen starting the scuffle. Allen pulled the red hair, pulling the visor off in the process while, Lavi tried to bring him to the ground. The red head failed and Allen managed to land a kick on his shin. Lavi then tucked his long fingers under Allen's armpits and began to tickle him mercilessly.

"Hahahahaha no please stop! Lavi please!" he was rolling and struggling beneath the bigger boy, as Lavi laughed at him unrelenting.

"Call mercy!"

"Ahahaha mer- Ahaha! Mercy, Jesus, mercy!"

"Now admit _I_ won!"

He could barely speak through the laughing though Lavi highly doubted that he would ever admit to defeat, though he had cried mercy.

"n-n-n-never!" he managed before his lungs exploded once again.

A deep, slightly grumpy, though amused voice sounded from behind the two on the grass; "what are you two ladies doing?"

The red head paused briefly to look over his shoulder at Kanda, Allen sticking his head around the body on top of him taking the sudden stillness to yell out; "Kanda help me!"

He just blinked; he had actually thought it was Lenalee under Lavi, what with all the high pitched squeals.

"Good Morning Kanda. Fine day." Lavi smiled out before turning back to his tickle torture. Allen screamed, laughed and then began to writhe beneath his friend, trying his hardest to escape the cold and slender fingers raking his sides. It was too much for Kanda; the screaming; the writhing. He turned away, trying to look casual by leaning apathetically on a tree. He tried, but obviously the sun was making his face hot, yes... the sun.

He heard a resounding thud as Lavi was thrown sideways onto the grass and Allen jumped to his feet, sprinting over to where Kanda stood, seeming to hide behind him, then think better of it; stood to the side.

"Thanks for your help." He muttered darkly rubbing his now sore sides.

Kanda just shrugged his shoulders with no answer. Lavi sat on the ground laughing.

"Nice to see you up early Kanda." The red head said as he strolled towards them, making Allen take a nervous step backward.

"Che. Nice to see you too not hung-over."

"Actually I think Al has a secret stash," this earned the aforementioned a glare, "cause he was looking pretty gone when I woke him up this morning."

They all began to walk back to the housing complex together, Kanda in between making Allen scowl around his toned chest at the smirking red head.

"Anyone would wake up like that if you woke them from their freaking window!"

"Haha! Yeah but they wouldn't face plant."

The previously tortured male continued to glare ahead as he muttered more to himself than anyone else; "you're just sore cause you lost."

"Say Al! You wanna finish what we started earlier?"

A white streak flew past them and into the complex, and it took a while for Kanda and Lavi to realise that it had been Allen. The poor bugger had developed a phobia of tickling.

**Sunday**

Saturday went far too quickly in the white haired Walker's opinion. He woke early in the morning to a plain white ceiling, his ceiling. After the tennis match the previous day the trio had gone out to see a movie. Dragon Ball Evolution for that moment. And although Kanda had bitched and moaned the whole way there, they had shared a car for once- probably not a good idea since the Asian and the Bean were constantly down each others throats (not with tongues you pervs) and Lavi kept on crying about how Lenalee didn't want to come cause it "wasn't her scene"- Allen was sure that the long haired male had enjoyed the movie, sitting there with his face transfixed on the screen, almost unblinkingly; even smirking at moments, making the Beansprout turn his head back to what was supposed to be the main point of his attention, to see what had caught Kanda's eye. He found it rather amusing to watch his friend relive small moments of his past.

But now Allen had to meet the family of people whom he had only met twice, offhandedly. And to be truly honest, and Allen didn't like to judge, these people scared the shit out of him. They were going to pick him up from his work, and take them to their place. Therefore Allen would need a lift to work because he wouldn't be able to leave his car in the parking lot which mean, and he was frightened just to think about it, but he'd need someone to pick him up. Like hell he was going to let these stalkers drive him home; they'd know where he lived! He rolled out of bed, thankful to not have a flamboyant red head nibbling at his ear drums and did his usual morning preparations. Wash up, followed by a change of clothes, then following his growling stomach down the hall for the much anticipated breakfast.

"WHA-" he nearly fainted at the sight of a complacent Kanda seated on one of his kitchen stools, "what are you doing here?"

Giving him a quick look over to see the Bean in his work attire Kanda replied rather calmly, in contrast to Allen's freaking out voice; "Lavi left this on my door." He held up a note elegantly between two fingers, and Allen stalked forward to read it.

_Yu! The little guy's gonna need a lift to work today. Going out so you guys have a really nice day k? But not too nice I'll be home later tonight so don't even try anything, well not without me anyway..._

There was more but Allen really didn't want to know. Well he guessed Kanda would be giving him a drive, if the idiot could be bothered, though judging by the fact that he was here Allen assumed that he had silently agreed. Allen looked at Kanda for some kind of answer but the other guy merely looked away; refusing to make eye contact.

"Do you wanna cuppa?" he sighed.

"Sure. Tea."

"I only have black," he moved into the kitchen; flicking the kettle switch on, "is that okay?"

"It's fine."

Why did Allen feel so awkward, almost embarrassed? He even found himself trying to move around the kitchen quietly, but gave it up when he dropped a fry pan with a loud bang, receiving a questioning look from the Asian at the bench.

They didn't talk much, not even arguing, Allen thought of how subdued Kanda had been lately, quiet and seemingly disinterested in everything around him. he seemed so muddled in his own thoughts, it was the side of Kanda that Allen thought the older male saved for being alone; surprised to be seeing it in public. These thoughts carried him almost blindly through work. What could Kanda be thinking about? Why did he seem so serious lately; school was over so he shouldn't be concerning himself with homework unless he got some holiday assignments, but that was unlikely.

"Allen, your shifts up now 'kay? Thanks for coming in today." His manager reminded to him as he was washing some dishes absentmindedly. His stomach automatically churned when he realised that his ten hour shift was over. Doom! He was just over exaggerating but he couldn't help but feel nervous. Surely it wasn't cause he felt the need to impress the family he was about to meet right? He couldn't help the creepy feeling he got from these people; there was just something about them that seemed off.

He walked out of the restaurant, taking off his apron, and had a small silver car flashing it's headlights at him. he assumed it was his ride and he reshouldered his shoulder bag to walked over to the car. As he slid into the front seat he thought humourlessly of all the times in his childhood that he was told 'not to get into cars with strangers.' And yet here he was.

"Hey there." Tyki smiled at him over the fag hanging limply and smoking from his lips.

"Afternoon Mikk." Allen smiled back, sitting stiffly in his chair, "how are you."

"Just Tyki is fine, and I'm great now you're here." And with that he started driving, reversing out of the parking lot and onto the drive way. "How was work?"

"Fine. Not very busy. What did you do?"

"Oh nothing. Just tried to distract myself to make time pass quicker, but I think it can just go as slow as it likes now. What do you think?" he turned to the stiff boy, whose eyes kept flicking to the road and back;

"I think you should pay attention to where you're driving." He squeaked earning a laugh as Tyki did as requested.

It was a mansion and it was freaking huge! 'Twas only a twenty minute drive of awkwardness after that, though Tyki Mikk seemed completely oblivious to Allen's discomfort; making mild small talk now and then, commenting on the radio and the weather. Allen remained strained but polite, eager to get out of the suffocating atmosphere in the shiny car. However he didn't get a chance to breathe as Road was wrapped around his waist in no time, having come flying out of the Victorian style, hotel sized, house before his door was even open.

"Allen! Why did you take so long?" she pouted up at him while he looked genuinely shocked down at her as she snuggled his torso, "today was so slow! Wasn't it Tyki?"

He nodded in reply and nodded his head to the entrance and turned to go in, Road didn't let go of the thin boys stomach, making it rather difficult to get up the marble staircase at the entrance. Tyki, Allen noticed, put out his cigarette in an ash tray before opening the door and leading Allen into an entrance hall that was bigger than his own house. The floor below him was of shiny chequered tiles which lead to a winding dark wooden staircase. At the height of the second level dangled a crystal chandelier, which, catching the sunset rays, was casting orange rainbows on the walls. Allen had only a small chance to gape as Road began leading him through a polished archway.

He found his feet treading on soft and thick carpet, and he gaped around him in awe as he was lead from one room to another before they finally met someone. He gathered from what he had seen so far that the main colour theme for this house was a dark lilac, he felt like he was among royalty; especially when he aid eyes on the first family member.

"Allen!" Road called his attention by tugging harshly on his arm, "this is Lou Lou! Say hi!"

"hi." She stood before him somewhat intimidating with long elegant hair flowing past her hips and a barely visible frown played on her lips as she gave him look over.

"Good afternoon." She said, customarily, polite would probably be a little too kind, before she turned away with a sweep of her hair. She added without turning; "Earl is in his study; don't disturb him for a while."

"Where's sweety?" Tyki called with a smirk.

This she stopped at and turned to glare; "Boris has gone out for a while. Why do you care?"

Tyki just shrugged, "he's almost as annoying as the twins, so I just wanted to see if he was around."

Lou Lou rolled her eyes and walked down the hall.

"Allennnnn?" Road chimed up at him, clinging happily to his arm now, "do you wanna meet the twins?"

He didn't really know what to say, Lou Lou had actually seemed fairly normal, so maybe these two were the only seemingly freaking ones, maybe meeting the twins wouldn't be so bad. But then Tyki had said they were annoying, and who was this Boris guy? And how big, exactly was their family?

"ah sure."

With that Road turned sharply to Tyki who seemed to be frowning at their current closeness, "I think they'd be outside yeah?"

He nodded his head so that Road could lead the way. Allen could hear the screaming before they reached the door to the outside area. He began to feel slightly apprehensive and since Road was determined to drag him all the way he turned his head to Tyki, in desperation. But the older man simply shrugged his shoulders; giving him a look that clearly said; 'you asked for it.'

"_piu! Piu-piu!_ I got you haha!"

"Hihihi! No you didn't no you didn't! _Piu! Piu!"_

Allen stepped into the light to find two very flat-chested, and seemingly half naked, girls running around on a nice lawn area that was surrounded by flowers. He himself, was standing between Road and Tyki on an under cover wooden porch, looking out onto a huge display of a rainbow of flowers, despite it being winter. The two girls were the weirdest looking females he had ever seen, one had curly blond hair, and the other had spiky boyish hair, almost like Road's. both wore a strange style of clothes, consisting of fishnets, woollen vest, denim frayed shorts/jeans things, and a hideous amount of makeup that seemed to run with the weight of it all.

"Hey David. David!" the boisterous little finally relinquished the Albino's arm and ran forward interrupting the game of fake guns on the grass and pointing wildly behind her in a direction near to where our protagonist was standing, "Jazzy! David! Come look! It's Allen, remember that guy I was talking about?!"

David?! Allen thought, were these two... guys?! What the hell, he looked more than just shocked at that and he quickly tried to recompose his face before getting a proper introduction.

"Hey there!" the one with spiky black hair yelled, pointing what Allen assumed was a cap gun, at him, one eye squinting, " I'm David and this is Jazzy!"

"Jazzy hihihi" the blond started to laugh and Allen just knew he was going to get tired of it. Very quickly. His mind automatically travelled to Kanda, wondering how long it would've taken the Asian man to punch these people and bale. They were certainly, different.

"Ah yeah, I'm Allen."

"We know who you are!"

"Yeah we know who you are hihihi!"

Tyki seemed to have had enough already as he dragged Allen back inside, leaving Road with the twins. But she was quick to follow, calling out to Allen from behind Tyki's long strides; "do you wanna play with me Allen? Please! I have some great toys."

"Ah sure."

Tyki gave a dark chuckle and looked to Allen, his breath still smelling like tobacco, "you just condemned yourself boy." But he followed Road who was leading the two males down yet another hallway in this maze of a house.

Allen couldn't help but notice that Tyki didn't let go of his hand.

**A/N yep that's the end of this chap finally. Sorry if I disappointed some people. But the dinner will definitely be in the next chapter. And I am sorry that I didn't add it in I've just had far too much work to do and this whole meeting everybody thing is intense. Please forgive me. I would just like to thank everyone for their kind reviews! You bring light to my horizons, giving me reason to wake up in the morning. Thank you so much!**

**Please review if you feel this chapter worthy xx**

**Oh and ****Pteronophobia is the fear of being tickled I'm pretty sure. Thankyou for reading!!!**


	9. it's dinner time!

**Chapter 9: it's dinner time! **(i'm Izma from the Emperor's new groove!)

Sorry for the wait!

* * *

"More wine Allen?" Tyki was gently shaking a bottle of deliciously sweet red wine in front of Allen's face. It was so strange, never before had Allen tried a red wine so sweet, they shouldn't be so sweet, it wasn't possible.

The white haired guest gave a giggle, picking up his still half full glass; "but I 'aven't finished this glass yet."

"Would you like a top up then?" Tyki gave a dark chuckle.

Allen half slammed his glass down and waggled his finger at the curly haired man; "you can't rush wine! It must be drunk veeerry slow, cause otherwise you won't get the full flavour." With that he downed the rest of the glass; "it is very nice wine." And he handed his glass to Tyki Mikk for refilling.

Earl, the charming fat host of this little dinner party found the whole scene rather amusing, needless to say he couldn't seem to stop smiling. Before Allen had indulged himself in the wine he had missed out on he had found the smile quite creepy, but now; he didn't even notice. Road, on the other hand, seemed a little put out, toying with her food with a fork. Allen couldn't figure it out, she had seemed so lively all day.

Previous to the dinner he had allowed the young teen to drag him to the second story to play. To say he was terrified, when he walked in the room, would be an understatement. He never realised that he had an aversion to dolls but walking into the purple room struck a fear that had been hidden deep within him. The girl had multitudes of shelves lined on every wall of her room, each one stack with all different porcelain dolls staring blankly at whoever entered the room. He had turned his head to see Tyki Mikk's opinion on the state of the room, only to find that the older male had refused to enter, the pink door half shut behind him.

"Tyki doesn't like to come in here, " Road had commented, as though reading his thoughts, with a pout, "he says that if he comes in he'll never get out. He's so funny." She finished with a smile.

Allen was suddenly very frightened, feeling the sweat ooze from his pores. Luckily for him it had not been as horrifying as one may have believed; they hadn't needed to wait long for them to be called to dinner and the time spent waiting Allen was making many new friends. Road slowly introducing him to each and every white faced blond brunette and red head. Who'd have thought so many personalities existed!

The dining table was huge, at least four metres long and at the beginning of dinner the family plus one had huddled down one end, Earl seated at the head. 'Boris', whom Allen was still yet to meet, was still out. Tyki had sat next to Allen and Road across the table from him, Lulu at her side. The starters were brought out by waiters with napkins and silver platters. Allen thought he had just reached royalty, something a poor college student wouldn't even have dreams of!

By this time Allen had finished two helpings of the delicious main course, he was satisfied but could definitely go for more. This was where he was mentally proving to Lavi and Kanda that he had the self restraint necessary to restrain his bottomless pit of a stomach.

After practically licking his plate clean the waiters came and collected all plates and cutlery except for two spoons. Allen leaned over and whispered, giggling, into Tyki's ear;

"Are there _two_ d'zertz?" followed by a hiccup.

Tyki chuckled; "no. One dessert and then supper."

"You need a'spoon for supper?" he asked with mad wide eyes, looking like a six year old that had found a super massive beetle. He looked down at the spoons and then lifted his wine glass once more to his lips, "this wahn iz verry good."

The older male gave a small laugh before also taking a sip of wine, which just happened to be half the size of Allen's 'sip'. Dessert was not brought out immediately so Allen passed the time speaking to Tyki, the other family members talking amongst themselves. He tried to lessen his intake of wine, hearing Kanda's wife like nagging in his ear; he took sips only when Tyki did, none to discreetly mind you as Tyki took great pleasure at watching the seemingly immature behaviour.

Somehow the talk managed to get onto gaming, more specifically card games. You could say that things began to get a little violent as Tyki claimed that he was the greatest poker master of all time, placing a petite hand over his chest and turning his nose to the air proudly.

Allen's eyes took on a dangerous glint, his back stiffening slightly as he stared hard at the 'poker master' before him until Tyki turned to face him. He blinked innocently unsure of the expression written on Allen's face.

"Hate to be rude," Allen ground out; "but _I_ am the all time greatest poker master, thanksyou verry much."

The testy silence that filled the gap between the two managed to catch the attention of the rest of the family. Earl, at the head, even clapped his hands together, delighted at the brewing tension.

"Ah _scuse moi!?_" Tyki said with a shake of his head, looking highly affronted, "I think you are greatly mistaken, for none could possibly be better than I!"

Allen gave a sniff; "well I think that you need to branch out, surely you cannot have played many people in poker, I have played around the world. I would _love_ to see you beat me"

They were both sobering very quickly then and Tyki's body completely shaped itself around his growl; "is that a challenge?"

Allen leaned onto the table and raised an eyebrow at him; "that depends. Are you up to it?"

As an answer Tyki ripped his full wine glass from the table and downed it in one shot, widening the golden eyes of Road, slamming it down onto the table between himself and his challenger. Allen followed suit, both men wiping any of the burgundy substance from their lips with a grimace; that wine was not as sweet as the other.

"Bring it on."

As the two poker champions stared across the now empty wine glasses and into each other's eyes the waiters walked out from the kitchens and placed the dessert onto the table.

Allen's eye began to twitch as he smelled the sweet delicacy that had been placed before him, just outside of his line of side. He couldn't break the eye contact, but his head wanted desperately to turn, his stomach was beginning to churn, threatening to growl. And then, just to spite him, he could hear the fresh cool chink of silver onto china as the other family members indulged themselves in the dessert. The flavours flooded his nose, he couldn't bare it anymore and the smirk on Tyki's face told him that the other man knew the torture he was sitting through. But he had to restrain, he couldn't lose, not in a staring contest and not ever in a game of cards; this match here was the preliminaries, he had to win!

"Say Allen! Aren't you gonna have some?" he heard Road ask sweetly from somewhere to his right.

He gave up with a sigh and turned to his food, giving it only one look over as a pervert would caress a body with his eyes. Dessert to Allen was like a lover, he wanted to do more than just taste it and too much was never enough. He picked up the larger of the two spoons and brought it towards the cake with an elegance that caught all those that had seen him eat a main course off guard. He looked out of the corner of his eye to see Tyki staring at him and he gave him a smirk before slicing no more that a normal human's mouthful from the cake.

He brought it slowly to his lips trying to view it from all sides, indulging in the sight, trying to taste it with his eyes nose first. He spooned it into his mouth sliding his lips over the silver making sure to gather every crumb and sliver of icing, closing his eyes as he did so. He moaned into the taste, a frown appearing on his face. Passion fruit sponge cake, with a tropical icing. He allowed the sponge to collapse and melt in his mouth sucking out as much flavour as possible before he chewed. When he finally swallowed he opened his eyes to see everyone staring at him, little did he know that he just took a good 56 seconds to eat one mouthful of cake.

"That was really good" he said, "compliments to the chef!" he finished with a smile and at that moment the game was over. He had tasted the cake, it was so good, sweet, soft, and the way it melted in his mouth and glazed over his tongue, no offence to Lenalee but she needed a lot more practice before she could please Allen as much as this cake had done. (No pun intended). The spoon crashed down onto the masterpiece mashing half of it as he tried to get as a big a spoonful as he could and threw it into his mouth, swallowing half the spoon. What had just been described as a master piece was gone within three more mouthfuls and Allen looked up to see everyone still staring at him.

He was absolutely positive now that Earl had recently had Botox.

When he looked at Tyki the man was still staring at him, his cake untouched. Allen suddenly felt guilty, as though he had done something terribly wrong and he whined quietly; "what?"

The older man looked away quickly, a light pink blush spreading across his cheeks and mumbled a 'nothing' before his cake like a normal person. Eventually Allen heard that tantalizing scrape as everyone resumed eating. The awkward silence lasted no longer than a second before the door slammed open and a huge bulky man stormed in.

He had spiky and unruly hair and in Allen's opinion he looked like some kind of Bogan gangster or a street bully, with his ripped denim jacket and baggy black pants.

"What's this?" he roared, "I could smell that from the other side of the front yard!" he glared around at everyone who just looked up at him with dull and bored eyes, except Allen who was looking rather alarmed. "And who's this shrimp?"

Allen jumped before he scowled at his unruly nickname, it was bad enough that his friends wouldn't lay off of his height, but that people he hadn't even met had the gall to say such things as well; he could almost throw a tantrum. He felt a hand on his knee and looked to see Tyki giving him a look, Allen figured it was supposed to comfort or calm him somewhat.

"Boris, this is Allen Walker, Tyki and Road's friend" Lulu spoke out calmly and in a very disinterested tone.

"Hmpf! The guy from the radio?" he shrugged it off and pulled up a chair next to Allen, "where's my sweets huh?"

"Have you even had dinner?" Lulu asked though she barely seemed to care as she didn't look up from her toying with the cake.

Boris snorted, "who cares, I didn't ask for dinner, I asked for sweets, so where is my cake?!"

"Allen!" Road called sweetly from across the table; "this is our cousin Boris, we usually just call him skin though, I'm sure you can too!"

"Like hell." He said gruffly as he watched the waiter place his plate of cake down with eagle eyes. Much to Allen's horror 'Skin' picked the cake up with his bare hands and crashed it into his mouth, spilling debris all over the table and himself, his lips holding more of the dessert than his mouth. He could not stop the expression of disgust forming on his face as Boris began to lick and wipe around his mouth and hands to make sure he got every scrap.

He caught Earl's eye and the fat man gave a delighted chuckle before asking Allen if he would like coffee, tea or hot chocolate. He thought about it for a moment but caught Tyki lifting the wine bottle in the corner of his eye, "er I think I'll stick with wine if that's alright."

"Not a problem!"

Boris ended up have three helpings of dessert before Lulu got physical, yelling and screaming at him, saying that he was disgusting and feral. The bulk of a guy ended up slamming the door as he left the dining room to do whatever it was he did. Allen had to admit he was glad he had left, that man had brought with him an awfully awkward silence.

"Hey Allen! You're still gonna play with me right?" Road spoke up as a set of scones was placed before her. Both she and Lulu waved them away claiming they weren't hungry. Allen looked up in surprise. "You said you were gonna play, but I only introduced you to my dolls. You are still going to play right?" she looked so cute and innocent to him that there was no way he could say no, and he didn't, making Road jump up from her chair with a cheer.

Tyki gave a sigh before he pointed his butter knife at his younger cousin; "but only for a little while. Allen and I have a debate to settle."

It was only then that Allen remembered that he had challenged Tyki to a game of poker, and Road's face seemed to drop slightly but the she quickly cheered up; "alright I'll go get everything ready okay Allen? And you come up as soon as you're finished! Don't be too long!" she laughed as she swung herself from the room and Allen could hear her footsteps running up the carpeted staircase.

Tyki leaned forward and poured yet more wine into Allen's wine glass; "you're gonna need this."

* * *

"Straight flushhhh!" Allen yelled as he threw his cards as Tyki, swaying on the spot. The two were currently seated, in one of the living rooms, on cushions they had stolen from the couches, on the floor. And of course they were playing poker.

When Tyki had dragged Allen gratefully from the doll's house they had come to the realisation that neither had anything to bet, so Tyki had insisted on playing strip poker. Knowing he couldn't lose Allen agreed to the terms and so the games began.

Allen had just won Tyki's pants and the older male sat there in nothing but his silky white and blue boxer shorts. He threw his hand of cards down screaming "vull 'ouse dammit!"

Allen erupted into a fit of evil laughter, dragging Tyki's pants from the clothing pile, along with his own socks. He, himself, was still wearing pants, though he no longer had a shirt on, exposing his pale chest and its connection to his mutated arm. It was once again Allen's turn to run the deck, so the next round he knew would be his definite win, he couldn't help but chuckle as he shuffled the cards with casino master skill.

"You wan' more wahn 'llen?" Tyki asked jiggling yet another half filled bottle of wine in front of him before pouring himself some. He didn't wait for an answer and filled Allen's glass as well, spilling some on the white carpet "oh shit" he mumbled and tried to rub it into the carpet, only making things worse.

"No! Ztop!" Allen shouted, "You need cooking zalt. Don' rubs it man"

They both looked up at each other and Tyki queried; "cooking zalt?"

"Uh-huh" Allen nodded his head vigorously.

"You do this a lot huh?"

Allen actually had the decency to blush and give a nervous chuckle before confessing that he had done it more than twice.

Tyki gave a shrug and swayed forward, dragging his pants over to cover the stain, "nev'mind"

Somewhere lost in the house the two poker players heard the bell go, but they ignored it as Allen began dealing the cards, trying not to fall over.

"Alright ahma gonna bet ma sockzzz!" Allen shouted gleefully throwing his socks between them. Tyki looked down at his body and blushed.

"I'm not taken thiz off yet" he said with a pout.

Allen dropped his cards to the floor, still faced down, and leaned towards his opponent; "but that menz you lose!" he slurred.

"No it doesn't"

"yesh it doezzz. You have to take dem off an' put dem in the pile!" Allen started to wine.

"I'll take 'em off iv I lose!"

"No!" Allen shouted and leaned right up to Tyki; "you 'ave to take dem ov now!"

Both males looked up suddenly as the door swung open; standing in the doorway was a surprisingly shocked Kanda, the door help open by a red faced Road. Silence filled the air as Allen noticed that he was shirtless, leaning over a half naked male, telling him to 'take it off!' he sobered up very quickly. Or... he tried to.

Standing up he lost balance very easily and fell straight to the side, sitting next to Tyki rather than on him; "hey Kunda! I tink you're early. Iono... wan' some wine?" he asked innocently, holding up the wine glass and swirling the liquid.

Kanda was staring at Tyki by then though who had looked up to Kanda with a dazed smirk on his face. It seemed like the glare would last forever, Allen completely oblivious to the electricity zapping between the two. It was an automatic hatred for these two, like love at first sight, only hatred.

"Grab your clothes and lets go."

" ogay Kunda. You're de boss!" Allen saluted and swayed to his feet, "thanksyou verry much fo' this night. Te food waz ferry nice!" he smiled and latched himself onto Kanda's arm, and surprisingly Kanda didn't shake him off but turned and walked down the hall. All the while Allen and Tyki were calling to each other, saying goodbye and thankyou.

Outside at the car Kanda threw Allen into his seat and belted him up, whilst the drunk smiled up at him and told him all about his night, Kanda closed the door in his face as he stalked around the front and slid into his own seat. Once inside the car Allen continued from where he was cut off.

"Just shut up and sleep or something." Kanda said as he turned the engine on and drove away from the mansion.

Unfortunately, or not so unfortunately, that was exactly what Allen did and once they had arrived back at their homes Kanda realised his first major dilemma for that evening. The drunken idiotic hadn't even bothered to put his clothes back on and so sat there, bare chested and snoring.

"Sprout!" he said in that loud whisper, "oi! Wake up!" no coercing could move him though, despite Kanda's vigorous shaking of his shoulders. He stood with a growl and whispered 'dammit' before leaning back down into the car; "you're gonna pay for this!"

He unbuckled his friend and slowly slid his hands behind his shoulders and beneath his knees, pulling Allen out with a grunt. His next dilemma arrived when he reached the front door of Allen's house, it was locked and he needed the key. Trying profusely to balance the sleeping dead weight with one arm and knee, and whatever body part he tried to use in order to not fall over or drop Allen, he reached out with one arm and searched in the pot plant that sat on a window frame next to the door.

"What a stupid place to hide a key." He mumbled to himself. Finally he extracted it from its hiding place and he unlocked the door and walked into the cold and empty house. Dropping the keys on the counter he moved through the main room and into Allen's dark bedroom.

He laid Allen on the bed, the sleeping figure giving a loud and obnoxious snort before spreading himself out in a mutated 'x' one hand resting on his forehead. Kanda couldn't help but stare at him as he slept like that, he found that when he saw Allen like this, he could no longer stay mad at him. And that pissed him off more. The idiot had gone and gotten himself trashed at some strangers place, when he had only met them a total three times. Was he completely stupid? Kanda had given him some credit to having at least a smidgeon of brain, but not now, in his mind Allen was completely delirious.

But also undeniably cute.

* * *

**A/N yay! About time eh??? Sorry about the wait. I love writing this fic so really it should have been on top of my list of things to do, but i got a little caught up in tswl, so i'm really sorry for keeping you waiting and i hope i haven't disappointed you with this chapter! Hope the drunken speech makes some sense!**

**Please review!**


	10. wednesday: oh shit!

**Chapter 10: oh shit!**

**Wednesday**

"Buongiorno a tutti! O buonasera!"

"That is the shittiest accent I have ever heard. Don't ever do it again."

"Awwww that's not very nice! And your language is offensive, tame yourself."

"Your face is offensive, but that accent beats all, so shut the hell up and do whatever it is that you get paid to do."

"But I'm paid to talk, isn't it great."

Silence.

"You know, you're a lot more pleasant when Allen's around. Or at the very least entertaining."

There was a tone behind that voice that suggested that there was something a lot more entertaining going on in that studio, that the audience simply could not see, as it was in fact radio and not television.

"Moving on. You are, quite obviously in my opinion, listening to 907fm with Lavi and Kanda. And as per usual Allen is late. Or so we hope to assume, he's probably been kidnapped again, what are your thoughts Kanda?"

"Tch. Who cares?"

"..."

"What?!"

"Did you know Allen has a fanclub?"

"So? What has that got to do with today's topic?"

"Yu... Yu, Yu, Yu-"

"Can it red-"

"When did any of us care about the script? Or more importantly, when did you care at all?"

"Shush."

"What? Th-"

"Just. Shut up a sec!"

There is silence in the studio as the audience can hear only the rustle of paper, then the scribbling of a pen can be heard though someone's car speakers. To say that all listeners were bewildered would be a comment worth laughing like Gai from naruto at; loud, big and obnoxious.

Finally the scribbling stops, to make way for a little more rustling of paper and then the sound of Lavi's lovely and common onomatopoeia; 'oh.'

"Ah well, stuff happens. But that's besides the point, what I want to say is; did you know Allen has a fan club?"

"You are so ann- what?" he obviously wasn't listening when Lavi mentioned it before.

"I know right?! Our gorgeous midget boy has lots of girls and guys swooning and pining over him."

"...guys?!"

"Err... well I'm sort of assuming here. I mean you know that creepy guy with the curly hair."

"Oh the fag on a fag."

"that pretty much sums him up I'd say- _achoo_ –excuse me, but I've been thinking a lot lately that it's about time we did something to help Allen out."

...

"Is that your consent? Well whatever I think we should get him a girlfr-"

A door slams loudly in the background and there is a lot of fumbling to be heard before Allen's puffing breath ghosts into the microphone; "sweet Jesus. 'scuse my blasphemy. Sorry I'm late! What did I miss?"

"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there, you didn't miss much at all."

"Oh okay that's good. But you guys won't believe who I saw on my way in here L-"

There is the shuffling of paper to be heard again. "Oh yeah him. Did you see him too?"

Kanda snorted but showed no other sign of answering making Allen frown in confusion.

"... so what are we talking about today?"

"You. Actually" Lavi stated 'matter of factly' seeming to spot some dust on his nails.

"You as in me? Or as in _Yu_?"

"Shut up Bean." His words came out in a horrid snarl, with a lot more force than usual.

"But on the script we're talking ab-"

"Allen. Allen allen allen," Lavi shook his head pityingly at the white haired radio host, "you are _far_ more interesting than changing cultures. And besides, we have both agreed-"

A snort

"- that you need a girlfriend."

"A-a-a what?!?" Allen spluttered.

"Oh, well I mean you could get a _boyfriend_ if you really wanted."

"But I'm not even looking for a relationship!"

"Well that's okay, we can just discuss your types then."

"My... types?"

"Yeah you know, like slim figure, long silky hair, short skirt, playful, sweet voice, good cook. You know his or her attributes that you really like, what you look for in someone you may wish to date, it's all rather obvious really."

"So you and Lenalee are obviously dating now. Or are you just admiring her _attributes_"

There is silence except for a soft mumbling.

"...Lavi... what are you doing?"

"I'm praying to your god that Komui was not listening to the radio station just then. You do realise that you have just condemned me?! Dug my grave, pulled the covers from my previously made bed! You fool!"

"Hey you _made_ the bed in the first place, and besides you gotta go through big brother sooner or later"

"I would have preferred later. But what do you look for?"

"Ummm do I have to answer this?"

"Yes."

"On _public_ radio."

"Yes."

"Emphasis on _public_ –"

"Yes Allen! Answer it!"

"okay okay jeez," he took a side long glance at Kanda who was sitting in complete silence, head tilted backwards with his scrunched eyes closed, "well I guess I look more for personality, like they have to be nice. Looks don't really concern me I guess."

"Just quickly Allen," Lavi interrupted, "have you ever even been in a relationship?"

"Eh?! Err, ummm yeah, no, not really well yes I guess, I don't know, maybe, it's um"

"Have you or haven't you dated? It's a fu-beeeeeeeeeeeeeep simple question Beansprout."

"He lives," Allen mumbles under his breath.

"You're wearing a microphone idiot," Kanda glared at Allen.

Rolling his eyes and huffing; "I dated a girl for a week in high school."

"Just a week?"

"Yes. Just one week."

"Why only one week?"

"Just.... just because! Things happen! Have you ever dated?!"

"Oh plenty of times! The girls were all over me in high school!" Lavi spoke easily and cheerfully as though it was perfectly natural to admit to all of your relationships on the radio, no matter the sum, "my first was this girl, Rowena, but I think she cheated on me at some point, needless to say that relationship didn't last long. And suddenly there was Sarah and then-"

"Stop! Just stop Lavi!"

"Nobody wants to hear about your god damned relationships!"

"Okay okay sheesh, the polls are now open call us on; 1300 558 967 if you wanna date Allen Walker, famous radio host-"

"What?! Lavi you can't do that!"

"Stalked by many. Short but fearless, fan of classical music and the 80's and loves his sweet things."

"I actually, really hate you right now," Allen cried into his palms.

"It's an explosion on the lines! I told you Kanda Allen has a fan club! Hi! How are you? What is your name?"

"Hi! Oh my god! It's me again guys! Lo Fwa! Remember? I go to uni with Allen! But gosh, I have had like..." she paused for a long moment "a massive crush on Allen since... ever. Oh gosh. Oh gosh I said it. So umm how do you guys... er you know –"

"Spit out woman."

"Kanda! What is wrong with you today?! You're so rude."

"I'm always rude."

"Not this rude though! At least you feign in difference rather than being a right twat!"

"Tch. Whatever." And he finished, turning his head away from Allen with a huff. A silence, filled with Allen's glares and icy temperature engulfed them all before Lavi cleared his throat.

"Ahem, back to Lo Fwa! What were you sayin' babe?"

"Oh. I was just wondering how you guys go about the dating thing you know? Like who is Allen gonna date?"

...

"Err...."

"Well you see, Allen isn't really going to date someone as such, we're just looking for public confessions. But if Allen wants to date you, well you know where to find him!... I'm winking by the way."

"Oh! Haha-" there was a thump in the studio, "alright then. That's actually kind of embarrassing, so I'll be going now. Okay thank you!"

"Lovely to hear from you again Lo Fwa! Until next time! Bye now!" Lavi looked up to see that Allen had become closely acquainted with his desk; forehead and laminated wood become lovers.

Lavi, tactful as ever, ignored the two other radio hosts and continued his lone station hosting; "we've still got time for one more call! So sorry to all those that missed out on confessing thine undying love for our loveable beansprout, another time perhaps. Hello! Who do we have here?"

"OH MY GOD!" it was an onslaught of high pitched squeals, ravaging the microphone and Lavi noticed that Allen and Kanda both flinched out of the corner of his eyes. "We love you Allen! "

"I'm totally you're number one fan!"

"Er no you aren't I am!"

"No _I_ love him moreeeee!"

"We love youuuuu!"

Kanda was having an epileptic fit in his chair but Lavi couldn't be certain if it was because of the high pitched and loud, continuous squealing, or the fact that multiple girls seemed to be fighting with each other over someone they had never met, let alone a male who would have to be at least twice their age. Allen had the face similar to the one he wore when they had all stayed up that one night to watch all the 'Saw' movies in one hit. Oh good memories, Lavi had scared, scarred and teased him for about a month afterwards.

"Is this the official Allen fan-club or a slumber party?"

"It's my birthday party!" one girl screamed.

"That's nice; having a nice time?"

"Yeah but do you know what would make my time _even better?!_" Allen was sure he didn't want to know, "If Allen would come over and share my first kiss!"

"How _old_ are you?" Kanda queried with a mortified face.

"I'm thirteen!" she puffed indignantly.

"I'm sorry," Allen put forward gently; "but I actually think that there's some kind of law against that."

"That's okay! Nobody has to know!" they definitely heard some more squeals behind this girl.

"Ah no I'd better not. But um hope you have a great party! Enjoy your night!"

"Naww alright! Bye guys!"

"Bye!"

"Oh my God! Bye we love you!"

...

"I feel so dirty."

"Didn't she say she was... _thirteen?!_"

"Yeah... kids these days. It's all rather frightening really. And that concludes our show for this evening! I hope everyone got some enjoyment at Allen's expense! I certainly did, we should do it again sometime!"

"No!" both Allen and Kanda had yelled at the same time and looked at each other in shock before Lavi continued, undeterred.

"So good night, sleep well and we shall be talking, same time same place, same channel, tomorrow night so stick around!"

"I feel... like a perv."

* * *

"What the _hell_ do you think you were doing?!"

Allen had been the first to leave the recording room and had walked, face to chest, into Leverrier. Oh shit! He'd forgotten that he was there, and judging by the faces of Lavi and Kanda; they had also forgotten. Their boss was staring there, his hitler moustache and all, waiting, cross armed and angry- no; _pissed_, and poor Allen, being the first to leave, got the brunt of the furious spit in his face. Standing there in front of the man that paid him, he tried to discreetly wipe the saliva from his face.

Lavi decided to speak up with his usual quirk, probably not the best time for it, but he did; "well hosting the radio, cause we're like... radio hosts! Ya'know?"

"You call _that_ radio hosting" he spat. He stopped abruptly and straightened himself up, effectively taming his raging breath he pointed down the hall; "to my office please gentlemen."

They each shared a look before shuffling to his office together, receiving sympathetic looks from the other employers. The demon's lair, literally; Allen stood in front of the dull wooden door, swallowing the bile down before reaching slowly reaching out to touch the knob. He had never been called into the boss' office before, not in any other previous job that he had on his resume, what was going to happen? What was it going to look like in there? His mind was suddenly flooded with images of small mutilated heads floating in green, glowing jars of vinegar and he whipped around to face Kanda with wide eyes;

"I can't do it!" he whispered, making Kanda give an annoyed huff before pushing passed Allen.

"You are so annoying." And he forced the door open and stepped inside without glancing around, dropping himself into a chair. As Allen stepped in hesitantly after him, he had to admit that he was a little disappointed to find ever wall plain except for one which had a framed photo of the joint and another wall partly hidden behind a book case. He moved, following in Kanda's footsteps; to the elaborate wooden desk and dropped into the chair next to Kanda and heard Lavi drop down to his right. Leverrier was skulking around behind them before he stalked his way behind his paper coated wooden authority.

"would someone care to inform me what exactly happened to today's script?" he inquired in a tone reserved for a mother what flavour ice-cream her child wanted, it made all three host shiver; disgusted and terrified at the same time. It was silent for a moment, no one quite sure how best to tackle the question; side on? Or maybe a full out forwards tackle where both were knocked to the ground. We all know Lavi is a sucker for punishment so of course he'll choose the latter;

Allen and Kanda turned their heads in sync when they heard Lavi begin to speak, quite alarmed actually; "well you see boss. We got the script as we always do. And I took it into the room with me, but like. When I put it down on my desk-y thing, it kinda like.. you know; _turned invisible_. Either that or Allen got really hungry, I mean you know what he's like!"

The man was visibly seething as the word vomit began to spill from the red head's mouth and Allen was suffering the major dilemma of deciding whether to laugh or cry, Lavi seemed to be enjoying himself though as he finished with a hearty laugh, which was cut off abruptly as Leverrier slammed his fists down onto the mahogany desk.

"Listen up _jounior_" the honest truth behind those words making Lavi cringe, "I have had enough of your tongue and cheek. Just remember that I am the one signing your checks" at that he glared at each one in turn, becoming increasingly frustrated as Kanda found the book shelf far more interesting; "I am asking about the fact that you _fools_ are so _incompetent_ that you cannot follow one plan set in place for your aid in order to keep some _dignity_. If you have any left that is. Do you have anything to say in your defence?"

"It brings in the ratings that's for sure" Lavi smiled brightly, lighting the dim room.

"You are an embarrassment to the studio! And Lavi you've got two weeks' notice to get out of here."

There was a pause of death before the eruption, Kanda's face actually flipping back to attention alarm printed on his face and while Lavi sat stock still; Allen leapt up from his seat;

"What? Are you crazy?! You can't do that! Just because Lavi isn't following the script doesn't mean he is doing anything illegal or... anything to put the company in jeopardy. You are being foolish!"

"Do not tell me how to run _my_ station Walker! Yourself and Kanda will be put under surveillance until further not-"

"Fuck that," Kanda finally spoke up, pushing himself up out of the chair and giving Leverrier a distasteful look; "I'm handing in my two weeks' notice now and then I quit." And he left the room before anything else is said, Allen and Leverrier watching after him.

Allen's gaze shifted to his foot, a frown marring his face and he thought it over, he looked to his right to see Lavi also frowning in deep thought, Allen quickly lifted his head as well and glared across the desk at his boss; "I quit too." And he pulled Lavi from his stunned position and out the door, slamming it behind him.

Outside in the car park Lavi finally regained his composure;

"Whoa whoa whoa! Guys hey wait! You guys can't quit for me!" he yelled after Kanda who abruptly spun on his heel and stalked back to the red head and white head.

"What makes you think I quit for you? I hate that son of a bitch" he scowled and turned around, but walked in time with the other two.

"He is a bitch." Allen hummed making Kanda glance at him from the corner of his eye.

"Hey guys!" Lavi chirped up, suddenly bouncing up and down as they walked.

Allen and Kanda groaned in unison; this could only be bad.

"Wanna get completely totalled?"

Or not so bad.

The end

**A/N omg! Like this story actually has a plot?? Who'd have thought XP I don't actually have much to say for once, except that I hope there aren't too many mistakes in there, my excuse is that ermmm well I don't actually have one. Oh that's what I wanted to say:**

"**that is one whacked radio station huh?"**

**If anyone ever hears conversations like that on a radio let me know, I was kinda cringing as I wrote it cause it really isn't very realistic at all, but then I reminded myself that im not really using very realistic characters...**

**Ohs well hope you enjoyed!!!**

**Please review!**


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